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Coping with Stress
by Mark Schwartz
 You
have probably seen the cartoon sketch that depicts stress as "the overwhelming
urge to choke the living #@*% out of someone who desperately deserves it". While
that depiction may be true, it certainly is not the only form of stress.
It seems that even though none of us likes stress, we have almost come to
accept it as a fact of everyday life in these post 9/11 times. But it doesn't
have to be that way.
There are probably as many different ways to deal with stress as there are
forms of stress. Some of these ways are positive and socially acceptable while
others are violent and deplorable (hence the term "going postal"). One of the
most effective ways to manage stress is to reduce, or preferably eliminate, as
much of it from your daily life as possible.
REDUCING / ELIMINATING STRESS
The first step in reducing or eliminating stress is to identify the causes of
stress in your life. This may be somewhat difficult since, as I mentioned
before, we have almost come to the point of accepting stress as a normal part of
our everyday lives.
A good place to start is to take a profound look at your daily routine. I'm
sure that as you go through a typical day there are things that you do on a
regular basis that you really enjoy and also things that you really hate to do.
Think of all the things that you do on a regular basis that you really don't
enjoy doing. As you think of these things make a list of those things that cause
you stress. Be sure to jot down the ones that make you feel tense and uneasy as
well as ones that just frustrate or annoy you. You might even consider keeping
an ongoing list for several days, so that you can write down these things as you
face them. Don't worry about prioritizing the list. Just be honest with yourself
and try to make the list as comprehensive as possible. Don't worry about what
other people may think of your list. That really doesn't matter. What does
matter is your ability to identify those things that really annoy you, or cause
you stress, regardless of how petty they may seem at the time. After all, the
little things do add up.
The ultimate goal is to try and eliminate or reduce as many of these items on
your list as possible. Realistically, you probably won't be able to eliminate
all the items on your list. However, those that you are able to eliminate,
however small they may be, will go a long way towards increasing your tolerance
towards the ones that are much more difficult, if not realistically impossible,
to eliminate from your life.
Some of the things on your list "may" seem petty to someone else. That really
doesn't matter. Keep in mind this is your list, not theirs. In fact, you don't
even have to show this list to anyone else. Just keep in mind, it is to your
advantage to identify as many things as possible that annoy or aggravate you on
a regular basis. Once you have identified the things that cause stress in your
life, you have taken the first step towards greatly reducing or eliminating that
stress in your life.
When you're finally done with your list, it's time to start making changes —
not in the list, but rather in your everyday life. Changes that will hopefully
reduce, or better yet eliminate, those things that you find stressful in your
life.
Start with the little things such as malfunctioning appliances or other
annoying physical things in your household surroundings or physical environment.
For example, let's say one of the things on your list is an old worn-out can
opener that you have to fight with on a daily basis just to open a can. If you
get frustrated and annoyed every time you try to use that can opener, why keep
it? Why not just buy a new one and replace it once and for all? Think of all the
daily frustration and aggravation that you could eliminate just by purchasing a
new can opener!
Another example might be a door that sticks or squeaks. If you use that
sticking or squeaking door on a regular basis and find it to be annoying on a
regular basis, get it repaired! It may seem like a little thing, but those
little annoying things really do add up. This is especially true if you have to
deal with them on a day in and day out basis.
I have a desk at home where I do most of my writing. I bought the desk second
hand from an old neighbor before he moved out of state. The desk is not the best
quality and in fact looks almost homemade. Nevertheless, I've grown attached to
the thing over the years. For the longest time though, I used to get frustrated
every time I tried to open one of the desk drawers. The drawer would stick, and
I would inevitably end up pulling the front of the drawer half off during my
battle to open it. Usually I would end up with a sore hand from trying to pound
the front of the drawer back on with my hand without knocking the drawer back
into the desk any further.
I used to go through this frustration several times a week. Eventually, I got
smart, took my own advice and took the time to fix the drawer once and for all.
To this day, every time I open the drawer, I ask myself why I waited so long to
fix the damn thing. This may sound crazy, but it feels so good to be able to
open that desk drawer without having to do battle with the thing on a regular
basis.
Again, don't worry about what other people think. This is your life and you
have every right to eliminate, or at very least hopefully reduce, the stress in
it.
Admittedly the examples listed above may seem like small annoyances. However,
those small daily annoyances can really add up over the course of a day and
quickly build your level of frustration -- especially if you interact with those
things several times a day, on a day-in and day-out basis.
Unfortunately, you "might" not be able to eliminate all the larger causes of
stress in your life. Yet, if you can successfully eliminate or reduce some of
the smaller ones, it will go a long way towards reducing the overall total
amount of stress that you face.
This doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to find solutions to the larger
causes of stress in your life. On the contrary, it only means that you should
try to eliminate as many causes of stress as possible. Unfortunately though, it
may also mean some sacrifices and compromises on your part -- not moral
compromises, but rather compromises that may affect your current life style.
The items on your list that cause the most amount of stress are usually those
items that require the greatest amount of effort and sacrifice to reduce or
eliminate. For example, if you've listed your job as the number one cause of
stress in your life, you may have to make some major changes to eliminate that
job-related stress. Depending on your situation, these changes may very well
mean a new job or a career change.
Unfortunately, job and career changes are typically stressful in and by
themselves. Even so, if you have identified your job as causing you an
overwhelming amount stress in your life, you owe it to yourself to consider
other career alter-natives. This is true even if making the career change will
result in a dramatic change in your lifestyle, possibly as a result of a
reduction in pay. After all, what's more important, your current lifestyle or
your overall mental and physical health? (Hopefully you picked the latter!)
DON'T OVER COMMIT YOURSELF!
One common but often overlooked cause of stress is "over commitment". This
occurs when we commit ourselves to too many different daily activities or
events. Oftentimes we are afraid to say "no" because we want to be liked, we
want to be "in". We're afraid that we'll hurt someone's feelings or look like
the bad guy if we say no to a request for help or an invitation to some social
function. Sometimes we're afraid that if we turn this request or invitation
down, we won't be asked or needed again. Perhaps we're even afraid that we won't
live up to somebody else's expectation of us.
Regardless of the reason we're hesitant to say "no", we have to be realistic
about how we are going to keep our commitments for all the times we've said
"yes". If we try to squeeze too many commitments into our daily lives we become
tired, stressed and sometimes outright irritable. When this happens, we often
are not able to live up to the most important commitments to ourselves and to
our families.
The best way to avoid over-commitment is to be realistic about your available
free time. Always leave yourself plenty of travel time between activities or
events. Don't be afraid to say "no" to invitations or requests for future
commitments. Again, you have to be realistic about your available free time when
making commitments. As hard as it is to sometimes say "no", it will be that much
worse if you overbook yourself and have to break a commitment. Make sure that
you always give yourself enough slack time in your daily life to compensate for
any unexpected problems, delays or emergencies. If you don't run into any
unexpected delays or problems, you can then use that slack time to relax or
spend with your family.
SLEEP REDUCES STRESS !
One of the best things that you can do for yourself to help reduce and combat
stress is to get plenty of sleep. It's such a simple concept and such a basic
human need that we often tend to overlook it. We typically tend to give sleep a
low priority in our busy lives. How many times have you heard somebody say, or
even said yourself, "I'm so busy, I barely have time to sleep"?
Oftentimes we try to fit so much activity into our daily lives that we tend
to skimp on sleep. That's in part because we don't realize how important sleep
is to our physical and mental health and in part because we don't feel that we
are accomplishing anything by sleeping. For some people it's because they feel
they are going to miss out on something if they go to sleep.
Sleep rebuilds and heals our physical, emotional, and psychological beings.
In essence, sleep actually rebuilds our hearts and souls. While we're sleeping,
our subconscious continues to work on solving all of our daily problems and to
work on any outstanding emotional issues that we might have. When we don't get
enough sleep, we tend to lose our capacity to think and reason. Our cognitive
abilities are diminished as well.
Additionally, the loss of much needed sleep dramatically lowers our tolerance
level for frustration and severely diminishes our coping skills. Consequently,
when we don't get enough sleep, we don't deal well with stress. Things that
never used to bother us we now find to be extremely annoying. We get angry and
frustrated when the slightest things go wrong. Some people are not as adversely
affected by the loss of sleep as others. Nevertheless, their physical,
physiological and emotional well being still suffers from sleep deprivation.
For long term benefits and a better life, try to arrange your daily schedule
to insure that you "always" get enough sleep. Be realistic with your planning.
Don't cheat yourself on sleep. If you know that you are going to have a busy
schedule later in the week, do yourself a favor and make sure you get plenty of
sleep early in the week. Regardless of how busy your schedule is, if you know in
advance that you are going to be in a certain stressful situation, make sure
that you get enough sleep well in advance of that situation so that you are able
to cope with that stress.
When we don't get enough sleep, we tend to quickly fly off the handle. We say
things that we don't mean. We overreact at the slightest inconvenience. We often
end up inadvertently hurting the feelings of those that mean the most to us. Do
yourself and all your loved ones a favor, make sure you always get enough sleep!
EXERCISE REDUCES STRESS
If you feel stressed, tense, or uptight, you can reduce your nervous tension
through exercise. It doesn't even matter what type of exercise as long as it is
exercise.
When you exercise, your body produces natural morphine chemicals called
endorphins. The endorphin release has a natural calming and relaxing effect on
the body. Hence the term "runner's high".
If you get a good workout, not only will you feel more relaxed, you will also
sleep much better as well.
Be realistic with your exercise. Start out slowly and gradually build your
exercise routine. If you are elderly, overweight, out of shape, haven't
exercised in a while or are in poor health, check with your doctor first before
starting any exercise routine. You have to be careful to insure that you don't
overdo it.
You need to be realistic with your expectations. Don't expect to feel relaxed
or invigorated by simply taking out the garbage or doing 12 oz. aluminum can
curls. In fact, try to stay away from those 12 oz. can curls. They could very
quickly lead too much more serious problems.
This
article was excerpted from A Better Life Ahead, ©2003, by Mark
Schwartz.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, NYTEXT Publishing Co. LLC.
Info/Order this book.
About the Author
 Mark
Schwartz is a successful author and software engineer residing in a beautiful
rural area of upstate New York. As an adult, Mark has authored numerous software
applications and technical documents for fortune 500 companies from New York to
California. Much of what he has written in his book "A Better Life Ahead" is
based on his own personal experience and observations. The principles and
beliefs discussed in his book "A Better Life Ahead" are the same principles and
beliefs that have helped make him the success that he is today.
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