Love, Marriage &
Divorce
Q:
What are your views on marriage and divorce?
A:
Marriage was invented a long time ago as a contract between a
heterosexual male and a heterosexual female. We can only trace romantic love
back to about a thousand years ago. Prior to that, there wasn't any romantic
love. It's an idea that has been invented, like a philosophy or a religion. It
has been made very special.
In the olden days, when life
expectancy was short and people lived 30 or 40
years at most, the idea of men and women being
together for their whole lives was feasible,
especially as they lived in the context of a
sluggish energy that didn't change much. There
wasn't a lot of difference between England in
the 1400s and the 1700s, when it came to
sexuality, marriage, relationships, and so on.
Sexuality burst open with the
advent of the Pill and other birth control
methods, and now relationships can move so much
more quickly. Some marriages might last only 20
minutes, because everything has been said and
done in that time. I think marriages,
relationships, and energy get used up faster
because our society is moving faster.
Also, somebody has to rethink
how marriage works, because obviously the
patriarchal system -- where the male dominates
and the female gives birth and stays in the home
-- is not appropriate for everyone anymore. Yet
in tossing that idea out, we often have these
archaic ideas that if the marriage doesn't work,
the male is somehow supposed to sustain the
female. So, on the one hand, we don't like the
idea of the male dominating the female in the
house, but once the male leaves, the law can say
it's his responsibility to give the woman the
home and sustain her. Of course, this creates a
lot of problems because things are changing. We
have to come to a middle ground where people
think about what they actually want, or what is
fair.
It's always seemed to me that
romance is a money-making business. I used to
say this in my seminars and receive howls of
protest. Everybody likes to think that romance
is a pristine special thing and nobody is
thinking of cash, security, prenuptial
settlements, postnuptial divorce payments, and
so on. I've always had the impression that in
the USA, in spite of their modern way of
thinking, when it comes to Saturday night and
everybody's partying, there's a lot of horse
trading going on. The guy who is rich and
successful gets plenty of ladies, and the guy
who doesn't have any money gets less. So there
must be something about the economy of romance
that seems to attract ladies up the higher end
of the economic scale. Then again, you may
possibly fall in love with a tramp if that's
what you're supposed to do in this lifetime.
I don't think there will ever
be a simple answer to marriage and divorce.
Basically there is no point in hanging out with
somebody you don't like. However, having said
that, I do believe that there is a validity in
staying together for the sake of children. So
some people make a compromise. The rules of
marriage are going to have to be rewritten. I'm
not keen on the idea of single mothers, because
I think children need the presence and influence
of their father. I'm definitely not keen on the
idea of single mothers raising kids with money
from the government. So the whole thing is in a
state of flux... we'll have to wait and see.
Whether you're heterosexual
or gay, a sacred commitment is wonderful and can
really increase your energy. It doesn't have to
be a formal marriage, but by making that
commitment, metaphysically you will bounce off
your partner, and your partner will bounce off
you, and bit by bit you can build each other up.
You are reflected in your partner, and he or she
is reflected in you, so you learn about yourself
while simultaneously raising your energy. A
solid, committed relationship is a wonderful
thing and can create a lot of power. It can also
be destructive and debilitating when it isn't
going well. So it's a risky business.
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Author
and lecturer Stuart Wilde is one of the
real characters of the self-help, human
potential movement. His style is humorous,
controversial, poignant, and
transformational. He has written 11 books,
including those that make up the very
successful Taos Quintet, which are
considered classics in their genre. They
are: Affirmations, The Force, Miracles,
The Quickening, and The Trick to
Money Is Having Some. Stuart's books
have been translated into 12 languages.
This column is excerpted with permission
from his book "Simply Wilde"
with Leon Nacson, published by Hay House (www.hayhouse.com)
