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The Ego Strikes Back
by Alan Cohen
Has anyone ever told you that
you are selfish? Were you offended? Did you defend and justify your actions? Did
you walk away feeling insulted?
I have been rethinking
selfishness, the ego, and self-centeredness. In some schools of thought these
are dirty words, nasty attributes to be subdued, transmuted, and overcome. But
maybe they’re not so bad. Maybe it’s all how you look at them.
Baseball star Reggie Jackson
said, "The only thing I don’t like about the World Series is that I can’t
watch myself play." Now this statement sure sounds egotistical. But maybe
it’s an admirable form of ego. Maybe the guy really likes and appreciates
himself. Maybe this kind of self-appreciation is what made Reggie Jackson a
sports superhero. Perhaps if you and I received that much enjoyment out of what
we do and we were willing to state it openly, we would be superheroes in our own
right. Maybe we are already superheroes, but we have not been ready to claim and
make a stand for our greatness.
Shakespeare declared,
"Self-loving is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting." Most of the
people I know suffer more from self-neglect than from self-loving. Hilda
Charlton, a mystic with whom I studied for many years, suggested that everyone
in the world has veered from peace in one of two ways: through arrogance or a
sense of unworthiness. Yet the arrogant suffer from the greatest feelings of
unworthiness, for those who impose themselves on others are motivated by an
inner sense of lack and powerlessness. Can you imagine how empty Hitler must
have felt to have to destroy others to get his way?
Sometimes people in my seminars
protest, "But if I do the things I really want to do, I am afraid I will
become self-centered and obnoxious." No, I tell them, you will become
self-empowered, happy, and a delight to be around. You will have so much energy,
prosperity, health, and well-being that you will be in the best possible
position to support others and serve them in the most powerful way. The highest
form of selfishness leads to the highest form of service. Most people on the
spiritual path have a long way to go before they become egotists. Many of us
could use a good dose of egotism.
Teaching on the spiritual
circuit for many years has afforded me the opportunity to observe many of the
most popular and highly-regarded teachers, authors, therapists, and gurus on the
planet. Many of them are blazing egotists, high-maintenance celebrities with
long lists of demands of those who promote and surround them. Some of them, from
a clinical standpoint, would be judged to have serious personality disorders.
Yes, that brilliant person whose book you just paid $25 to read, and whose
seminar you just paid thousands of dollars to attend, is extremely
self-involved. Some such leaders must run the wherever they go, and no one else
gets to get a word in edgewise.
Now here is what I have also
noticed: These people are also extremely self-confident. They recognize that
their ideas are good and they have a lot to offer. They are not busy trying to
please people or say the politically correct thing. Some of them don’t care at
all if you like them. They care about expressing themselves. They care about
making a stand for what they believe. They care about the service organization
they are building to help orphans or the dying or AIDS patients or the
disadvantaged. They care so much about themselves that they are inspiring other
people to care about themselves.
Personally, I think egotistical
teachers are ahead of the game. I think they are happier and get more
accomplished than a bunch of wimpy self-flagellators hoping God will still love
me if I eat Fritos. And yes, I write from my own experience. I remember walking
the streets of New York for an hour during a conference lunchtime, trying to
find a restaurant without preservatives. I ended up starving for the day, and I
wasn’t much fun to be with. Now I would rather just eat.
In the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas
we are told, "If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you. If
you do not bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you." This means
that your greatest gift to yourself¾and everyone¾is self-expression. Others
may judge your self-expression to be egotistical, but maybe a good strong ego is
a powerful vehicle to do what you came to do.
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