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Ask the Swami
by Swami
Beyondananda
Dear Swami:
If I may be so
blunt, Swami, my husband stinks. Literally. I
mean, he's a good provider, a terrific
companion, a decent lover, but-well, let's say
his food combining leaves something to be
desired. We'll be in bed, all set for a
romantic evening and all of a sudden this
horrible yellowish cloud will waft up from
under the covers. I'll say, "Oooh. What
did you have for lunch?" and he'll say,
"I dunno. It escapes me right now."
Funny, right? Except that I'm on the verge of
leaving him for someone who's a little less
expressive. I want to do the right thing,
Swami. Can you help me?
Ada
Lemma
Schaumberg, Illinois
Dear Ada:
Before you do
anything rash, have a little compassion. Your
husband is probably working something out on
the gastral planes. You see, most of our
emotional problems stem from having intestinal
gas as babies and not being able to get rid of
it. This condition is known as "Burp
Trauma". Although some may think of
this as a passing difficulty, it is something
that will come up repeatedly unless released
once and for all. Fortunately, there are
techniques such as Gastral Projection
and Reburping which teach you to let
these painful experiences flow through you, so
to speak, instead of holding them in. The
great Native American shaman, Broken Wind, the
developer of Reburping, maintains that
the release of gas is the most natural thing
in the world-in fact, it is our burpright.
Now, just as
each of us must choose our own path, so we
must choose the path of release - what
Reburpers call "the high road" and
"the low road". While the high road
is more socially acceptable in Western
society, the low road is more fun to watch in
a hot tub. So next time your husband sends a
pungent cloud of cabbage perfume hurtling down
that lower pathway, think of it as the release
of a past trauma, a release that will clear
his emotional body as well and allow him to
more fully digest life's experiences. For I
think Digesting is truly the secret of
life. With our passages clear, we'd all die
jesting.
I suggest you
celebrate these emotional releases with your
husband. For as Broken Wind has said, "To
air is human, to forgive divine". And
don't be tempted to stray just because you
think the air is cleaner in someone else's
bedroom. For in these days of glamour and
image, perhaps the greatest challenge is to
love the one you whiff.
Read also:
"Who
Is Swami Beyondananda"
and
more
articles from the Swami
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