Ask the Swami

by Swami Beyondananda

Dear Swami:

If I may be so blunt, Swami, my husband stinks. Literally. I mean, he's a good provider, a terrific companion, a decent lover, but-well, let's say his food combining leaves something to be desired. We'll be in bed, all set for a romantic evening and all of a sudden this horrible yellowish cloud will waft up from under the covers. I'll say, "Oooh. What did you have for lunch?" and he'll say, "I dunno. It escapes me right now." Funny, right? Except that I'm on the verge of leaving him for someone who's a little less expressive. I want to do the right thing, Swami. Can you help me?

Ada Lemma
Schaumberg, Illinois

Dear Ada:

Before you do anything rash, have a little compassion. Your husband is probably working something out on the gastral planes. You see, most of our emotional problems stem from having intestinal gas as babies and not being able to get rid of it. This condition is known as "Burp Trauma". Although some may think of this as a passing difficulty, it is something that will come up repeatedly unless released once and for all. Fortunately, there are techniques such as Gastral Projection and Reburping which teach you to let these painful experiences flow through you, so to speak, instead of holding them in. The great Native American shaman, Broken Wind, the developer of Reburping, maintains that the release of gas is the most natural thing in the world-in fact, it is our burpright.

Now, just as each of us must choose our own path, so we must choose the path of release - what Reburpers call "the high road" and "the low road". While the high road is more socially acceptable in Western society, the low road is more fun to watch in a hot tub. So next time your husband sends a pungent cloud of cabbage perfume hurtling down that lower pathway, think of it as the release of a past trauma, a release that will clear his emotional body as well and allow him to more fully digest life's experiences. For I think Digesting is truly the secret of life. With our passages clear, we'd all die jesting.

I suggest you celebrate these emotional releases with your husband. For as Broken Wind has said, "To air is human, to forgive divine". And don't be tempted to stray just because you think the air is cleaner in someone else's bedroom. For in these days of glamour and image, perhaps the greatest challenge is to love the one you whiff.

Read also: "Who Is Swami Beyondananda"
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