Ask the Swami

by Swami Beyondananda

Dear Swami:

My friends and I have been following very closely the Elian Gonzales story -- you know, the little boy who escaped Cuba with his mom, and now is set to be reunited with his father and returned to Cuba. We all find it sad that this little boy is being used by both sides for political reasons. As much as we discuss the issue, we keep going around about what would be the just and wise decision: let the boy return to an impoverished and politically repressive country and be with his father, or let him remain here in the land of freedom in the custody of a great uncle who looks a lot like Saddam Hussein? Swami, do you have any answers to this sticky problem?

        Meade E. Yater,
        Annapolis, Maryland

Dear Meade:

I am reminded of a story my guru Harry Cohen Baba used to tell. Back in the old days in the Jewish community, when two parties were in conflict and couldn't come to an agreement, they brought the issue to the rabbi. The rabbi would render a decision, and the losing party would pay the rabbi's fee. In one village there lived a great and wise rabbi who had one problem -- he was so good at seeing all sides of an issue, that he could never reach a decision, and consequently rarely got paid. One day his wife complained to him. "Every time two men come to you for a decision, you listen to the first man and tell him, 'You're right.'  Then, you listen to the second man and tell him, 'You're also right.' So everyone is right, and no one pays you." "Yes," sighed the rabbi, "and you're right too."

Well, the point of that story escapes me now.  But it's a great story.  I too have been following the Elian Gonzales case, and to me it's a clear cut case of right and wrong.  The problem is, both sides are right, and both sides are wrong.  Naturally, the first impulse would be to return the boy to his father. Unfortunately, the father lives in country where people cannot leave, and if you can't flee freely, well, you have no fleedom. Say what you will about the ol' Estados Unidos, it isn't very often that folks flee Florida in old leaky boats in an attempt to reach Cuba.

Elian's plight is indeed a dilemma. So the question is how do we turn the dilemma into dilemmonade?  Maybe the hidden opportunity here is for us to rise above the dueling dualities and go right to the heart of the situation. Which is: it's about the kid, stupid! Why not create this opportunity for Elian to have the best of both worlds and be a citizen of both countries?

In my tell-a-vision script, here is how it could work:

1. Attorney General Janet Reno finds a technicality in the letter of the law. While illegal aliens must be returned to their country of origin, illegal Elians are allowed to stay.

2. A joint custody agreement is worked out between Elian's father and the child's Miami relatives, and this agreement is mediated by the aforementioned rabbi. "The father," pronounces the rabbi, "has an abundance of fatherly love, which Elian needs. The relatives on the other hand, can provide Elian with an abundance of opportunity and freedom. Therefore, in order for Elian to gain the maximum benefit -- for that is everyone's desire -- he lives with his father, but is free to travel at any time to the U.S. And of course, the relatives will be more than happy to pay for these trips."

3. In an official state ceremony where Fidel Castro holds Elian's left hand and Bill Clinton holds his right, they announce this joint custody settlement. A biblical passage is read, beginning with "...and a child will lead them."

4. Elian Gonzales becomes an ambassador to both countries without portfolio (or, if they're in a generous mood, the Miami relatives could spring for a nice briefcase). Trade is normalized between the two countries, and Cubans are finally able to sell those classic cars they've been driving around for the past forty years, which up here are worth the price of a new one. Americans will finally be able to get good cigars, great baseball players, and gain entry to the Buena Vista Social Club. And the Cubans, whose high literacy rates put our own to shame, will finally be able to afford books.

Copyright 2000 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights reserved. 

*****

NEWS FLASH: Swami Does His Part to Heal Road Rage

With more people spending more time in their cars more eager to get somewhere in a hurry so they can do more, pressure is bound to build up. So it's no wonder that road rage has become the latest rage. It used to be that angry drivers just shot dirty looks and an occasional finger at those who offended them, but now some are shooting guns. So what can we do? About other drivers, we can't do much. But by modulating our own emotional state, we can avoid being at the wrong end of one of these close encounters of the turd kind.

And the most beneficial and least harmful mood altering substance we can partake of is... laughter. Imagine being on your way to work or on your way home, or running errands. All of a sudden, you're stuck in traffic and you get an urge to do "tantrum yoga". But instead, you slip a cassette into your player and listen to 60 minutes of healing comedy. Before long, you're laughing so heartily that you forget about all the drivers around you who aren't. When you arrive at your destination, you are smiling, cheerful, none the worse for traffic. Is this just one of Swami's fantasies, you are asking yourself? No, my friends, this is a reality. Because now you can order Swami's new audiotape, "Beyondananda and Beyond:  Two Takes on Healing Laughter". On side one, Swami holds forth on Achieving Fool Realization, and ends with a surprise channeling from the late great Sam Cooke. On side two, Swami's alter ego, Steve Bhaerman, offers a funny and insightful talk on the Five Healing Qualities of Laughter. You'll laugh while you learn and learn while you laugh! The tape will officially be released on May 7th.  But you can order now, and we'll pick up the cost of shipping. Beyondananda and Beyond tapes are $12 each, five for $50, ten for $80... But, you may be asking, what if the tape doesn't make you laugh? Here is our laughtime guarantee: If this tape doesn't make you laugh, we will cheerfully refund your money. Not only that, but if it doesn't release your stress, we'll double your stress back. You have nothing to lose but stress, tension and irritability!

To order by mail and get a catalogue of Swami's products, send a check or money order for $12 to Lite Headed Productions, 400 W. Third St., Suite D-144, Santa Rosa, CA  95401.  To place a credit card order, call Swami's special product ordering line at 1-800-SWAMI-BE or visit Swami's website at http://www.beyondananda.com.

Read also: "Who Is Swami Beyondananda?"
andmore articles from the Swami

About the Author

Hear the Swami’s wisdom with your own ears -- just click onto www.beyondananda.com. To find out more about Swami’s products and appearances on the "outernet", call 1-800-SWAMI-BE.

Swami’s Love and Laughter Special.

Says the Swami: "Many people have found themselves challenged by the recent economic downturn, and some have even had 'near-debt experiences.’" Well, to paraphrase those 60s icons, the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, "Laughter will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no laughter." To help you wake up laughing ... and leave laughter in your wake, the Swami has put together a special package including his hilarious book on healing laughter, Duck Soup for the Soul, his latest audio cassette, Beyondananda and Beyond: Two Takes on Healing Laughter, and his latest music and comedy CD, Drive Your Karma, Curb Your Dogma, a $38 value for just $29.77 + 4.23 shipping. Not only that, but act right now and receive online Swami's Joke-A-Week (Zen Cohens from Harry Cohen Baba) for ten weeks. To order, call Swami's hot line 1-800-SWAMI-BE or visit www.wakeuplaughing.com

If you enjoyed this column, you'll love 
"Duck Soup for the Soul: The Way Of Living Louder And Laughing Longer".
To order this book.

Another Swami book: "Driving Your Own Karma; Swami Beyondananda's Tour Guide to Enlightenment".
To order this book.

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