Ask the Swami

by Swami Beyondananda

Dear Swami:

We have made great strides against discrimination in this country, and nearly every week there is another story of the government or large corporation apologizing to some wronged party.  My question is, what about those of us who have no fancy organizations to speak out for us? What about the little guy, Swami?  Aren't we a minority too?

Delano Moore,
Chicago, Illinois

Dear Delano:

It's funny you should mention the little guy, because I'm looking at an
article right here in the Natural Inquirer entitled "Dwarves To Sue". Apparently, back there in the early 40s, when Disney was making Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, a number of dwarves were rejected because they didn't fit Disney's snow white image.  The last surviving rejected dwarf, Stinky, issued the following statement: 

"On behalf of my good friends Sleazy, Slimy, Scummy, and Snotty, I am initiating this class action suit against the Disney corporation.  We feel we were unjustly discriminated against because of our personalities and the way we looked and acted." 

As a precedent for this action, Stinky cited two similar cases which involved a rejected Marx Brother (Barfo) and two of Donald Duck's nephews who didn't make the cut (Phooey and Screwy).  In a related development, two of the original seven dwarves have just won a lawsuit of their own.  Dopey, Grumpy, and Sneezy were demanding equal treatment from bars that featured "Happy Hours."  Following a ruling in their favor by a California court, bars in that state will now have to have Grumpy Hour and Dopey Hour as well.  Sneezy Hour was rejected because of its obvious public health implications.  

If this news about great strides for the little person isn't enough, I've got more good news for you.  We are on the threshold of true minority rights. Yes, in the very near future we will have the realization that each of us is a minority of one.  Not even the universe can make a duplicate of us.  In other words, each of us is unique -- just like everybody else.

* * * *

Dear Swami:

I don't know how many of your readers have this same pet peeve, but it bugs the heck out of me to get one of those chain letters in the mail, especially "new age" chain letters.  Instead of asking for money, these idiotic anonymous notes ask you to take time out of your busy day and mail this "message of love" to five or more of your "friends."  But the worst thing about these letters is that they contain an embedded "curse" -- such and such failed to send the letter and his cat drowned or he lost his job or he missed winning the lottery by one digit.  I don't need to be told anonymously to anonymously send love to five of my friends, and I certainly don't need to be cursed if I don't.  Swami, I'm writing to you because I sense you are in touch with the deepest wellsprings of human motivation.  Tell me, what kind of moron would take the time to send such a letter?

Stan McGround,
Petaluma, California

Dear Stan:

I really don't know.  Probably a moron with lots of time on his hands. But I will offer this bit of advice.  Be careful about calling chain letter- senders morons.  You wouldn't want to offend a real moron, would you?

* * * *

Dear Swami:

Each day when I come home from work, my dog Sparky is eagerly waiting for me with my slippers and the daily paper.  The problem is, both of these are chewed beyond usefulness.  When I walk into my home, I find upturned plants, downturned trash and a trail of mischief that leads right to Sparky.  Swami, he's a wonderful friendly dog but I can't handle his behavior problem.  And please don't recommend obedience training.  I tried that once, but he refused to go.  Any ideas?

Russell Papers,
Towson, Maryland

Dear Russell:

If you had read my pamphlet, "Teach Your Dog To Heal," you would know that dogs are natural-born healers.  No bones about it, unconditional love is the greatest healer.  And who is better equipped to give unconditional love than person's best friend?  Remember that medicine they used to advertise that was "nature's" spelled backwards?  Well, Dog is God spelled backward.  It is a known scientific fact that the mere sight of a friendly dog induces the human body to produce puptides, hormones that create a sense of well-being.  These puptides, in turn, produce fidochemicals which enhance our immune system.  Studies show that dogs are 55% more effective than psychiatrists in treating mental illness.  Dogs are experts at communicating love directly, they are born listeners, and even those dogs without formal training know when to use a firm paw or gentle nuzzle.  Not only that, but dogs are non-habit-forming and have no unpleasant side effects (provided you watch where you're stepping).

So the solution to your problem is simple.  Your dog needs a job. While you're at work, he needs to be at work too.  It's time for Sparky to get off the dole and become a useful, productive citizen.  As the old saying goes, idle paws make Sparky a bad dog.  Fortunately, I just heard about this group dedicated to converting bad dogs into good dogs. They are called the Salivation Army, and they specialize in providing friendly dogs to spend time at children's hospitals and nursing homes.

Try this, and I guarantee Sparky will have a new leash on life.

* * * *

Read also: "Who Is Swami Beyondananda?"
and
more articles from the Swami

About the Author

Hear the Swami’s wisdom with your own ears -- just click onto www.beyondananda.com. To find out more about Swami’s products and appearances on the "outernet", call 1-800-SWAMI-BE.

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