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Ask the Swami
by Swami
Beyondananda
Dear Swami:
We have made great strides against
discrimination in this country, and
nearly every week there is another story of
the government or large
corporation apologizing to some wronged party.
My question is, what
about those of us who have no fancy
organizations to speak out for us?
What about the little guy, Swami? Aren't
we a minority too?
Delano Moore,
Chicago, Illinois
Dear Delano:
It's funny you should mention the little guy,
because I'm looking at an
article right here in the Natural Inquirer
entitled "Dwarves To Sue".
Apparently, back there in the early 40s, when
Disney was making Snow
White and the Seven Dwarves, a number of
dwarves were rejected because
they didn't fit Disney's snow white image.
The last surviving rejected
dwarf, Stinky, issued the following statement:
"On behalf of my good
friends Sleazy, Slimy, Scummy, and Snotty, I
am initiating this class
action suit against the Disney corporation.
We feel we were unjustly
discriminated against because of our
personalities and the way we looked
and acted."
As a precedent for this
action, Stinky cited two similar
cases which involved a rejected Marx Brother (Barfo)
and two of Donald
Duck's nephews who didn't make the cut (Phooey
and Screwy). In a
related development, two of the original seven
dwarves have just won a
lawsuit of their own. Dopey, Grumpy, and
Sneezy were demanding equal
treatment from bars that featured "Happy
Hours." Following a ruling in
their favor by a California court, bars in
that state will now have to
have Grumpy Hour and Dopey Hour as well.
Sneezy Hour was rejected
because of its obvious public health
implications.
If this news
about great strides for the little person
isn't enough, I've got more
good news for you. We are on the
threshold of true minority rights.
Yes, in the very near future we will have the
realization that each of
us is a minority of one. Not even the
universe can make a duplicate of
us. In other words, each of us is unique
-- just like everybody else.
* * * *
Dear Swami:
I don't know how many of your readers have
this same pet peeve, but it
bugs the heck out of me to get one of those
chain letters in the mail,
especially "new age" chain letters.
Instead of asking for money, these
idiotic anonymous notes ask you to take time
out of your busy day and
mail this "message of love" to five
or more of your "friends." But
the
worst thing about these letters is that they
contain an embedded "curse"
-- such and such failed to send the letter and
his cat drowned or he
lost his job or he missed winning the lottery
by one digit. I don't
need to be told anonymously to anonymously
send love to five of my
friends, and I certainly don't need to be
cursed if I don't. Swami, I'm
writing to you because I sense you are in
touch with the deepest
wellsprings of human motivation. Tell
me, what kind of moron would take
the time to send such a letter?
Stan McGround,
Petaluma, California
Dear Stan:
I really don't know. Probably a moron
with lots of time on his hands.
But I will offer this bit of advice. Be
careful about calling chain
letter- senders morons. You wouldn't want
to offend a real moron, would
you?
* * * *
Dear Swami:
Each day when I come home from work, my dog
Sparky is eagerly waiting
for me with my slippers and the daily paper.
The problem is, both of
these are chewed beyond usefulness. When
I walk into my home, I find
upturned plants, downturned trash and a trail
of mischief that leads
right to Sparky. Swami, he's a wonderful
friendly dog but I can't
handle his behavior problem. And please
don't recommend obedience
training. I tried that once, but he
refused to go. Any ideas?
Russell Papers,
Towson, Maryland
Dear Russell:
If you had read my pamphlet, "Teach Your
Dog To Heal," you would know
that dogs are natural-born healers. No
bones about it, unconditional
love is the greatest healer. And who is
better equipped to give
unconditional love than person's best friend?
Remember that medicine
they used to advertise that was
"nature's" spelled backwards?
Well, Dog
is God spelled backward. It is a known
scientific fact that the mere
sight of a friendly dog induces the human body
to produce puptides,
hormones that create a sense of well-being.
These puptides, in turn,
produce fidochemicals which enhance our immune
system. Studies show
that dogs are 55% more effective than
psychiatrists in treating mental
illness. Dogs are experts at
communicating love directly, they are born
listeners, and even those dogs without formal
training know when to use
a firm paw or gentle nuzzle. Not only
that, but dogs are non-habit-forming and have no unpleasant side
effects (provided you watch
where you're stepping).
So the solution to your problem is simple.
Your dog needs a job.
While you're at work, he needs to be at work
too. It's time for Sparky
to get off the dole and become a useful,
productive citizen. As the old
saying goes, idle paws make Sparky a bad dog.
Fortunately, I just
heard about this group dedicated to converting
bad dogs into good dogs.
They are called the Salivation Army, and they
specialize in providing
friendly dogs to spend time at children's
hospitals and nursing homes.
Try this, and I guarantee Sparky will have a
new leash on life.
* * * *
Read also:
"Who
Is Swami Beyondananda?"
and
more
articles from the Swami
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