Ask the Swami

by Swami Beyondananda

Dear Swami:

I wonder if other people have this problem. Every time I sit down to meditate, I am distracted by what my Catholic school teachers used to call "impure thoughts." The result is that I feel guilty, and I rededicate myself to spiritual purity -- and then the cycle begins all over again. Is there any way to end the battle between these higher states and lower states?

Dickson Frundt,
Baltimore, Maryland

Dear Dickson:

Boy, it is hard to believe that after all these years, we are still fighting the War Between the States. It begins when we decide we want to do away with slavery to our passions, which is fine. There is nothing good about being enslaved. The trouble comes when our inner abolitionist decides that all passion should be abolished, and we should dwell only in the higher states. When that happens, it is natural for the lower states to rebel. So each time we try to elevate to the rarefied air of Minnesota, there is the proverbial "uprising in the south" and we get this hot, sultry feeling from New Orleans all the way down to the tip of Florida.

So what is the solution? Sure, you can live in a border state if you choose, and stay close to the Mason Dixon Line of consciousness. But walking a line like that can make life -- well, flat. I suggest you set up dual residences because there is a time to go north, and a time to go south. When you feel at home in both the higher states and the lower states, you truly have achieved a more perfect Union.

*****

Dear Swami:

Can you explain the Theory of Relativity?

Gordy Yinnott,
Mill Valley, California

Dear Gordy:

Sure. A billionaire comes down to breakfast one morning and tells his wife he feels like a million bucks. She says, "Oh my goodness. What's wrong?"

*****

Dear Swami:

What's this that I hear about a minister who called for a ban on playing our National Anthem? Did I hear right, or was it one of those internet rumors?

José Cañusi,
Tenafly, New Jersey

Dear José:

Yes, you heard right. According to a Natural Inquirer article I have right here, the head of the well-known "Mortal Majority," has called on Americans to boycott the Star-Spangled Banner because of what he called "suggestive and objectionable" lyrics. The Reverend apparently objected to "the ram parts we watched" line in the song. "We have no business watching ram parts," said the Reverend, "unless we are directly in the business of raising sheep. And even then, these ram parts should not be talked about, let alone sung about. We should leave ram parts to the sheep, lest we encourage in our children the most unspeakable perversions."

It also says here that the Reverend offered America the Beautiful as an alternative national anthem -- provided they change that "fruited plain" line.

*****

About the Author

Hear the Swami’s wisdom with your own ears -- just click onto www.beyondananda.com. To find out more about Swami’s products and appearances on the "outernet", call 1-800-SWAMI-BE.

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