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Ask the Swami
by Swami
Beyondananda
Dear
Swami:
I wonder
if other people have this problem. Every time
I sit down to meditate, I am distracted by
what my Catholic school teachers used to call
"impure thoughts." The result is that I feel
guilty, and I rededicate myself to spiritual
purity -- and then the cycle begins all over
again. Is there any way to end the battle
between these higher states and lower states?
Dickson Frundt,
Baltimore, Maryland
Dear Dickson:
Boy, it is hard to believe that after
all these years, we are still fighting the War
Between the States. It begins when we decide
we want to do away with slavery to our
passions, which is fine. There is nothing good
about being enslaved. The trouble comes when
our inner abolitionist decides that all
passion should be abolished, and we should
dwell only in the higher states. When that
happens, it is natural for the lower states to
rebel. So each time we try to elevate to the
rarefied air of Minnesota, there is the
proverbial "uprising in the south" and we get
this hot, sultry feeling from New Orleans all
the way down to the tip of Florida.
So what is the solution? Sure, you can
live in a border state if you choose, and stay
close to the Mason Dixon Line of
consciousness. But walking a line like that
can make life -- well, flat. I suggest you set
up dual residences because there is a time to
go north, and a time to go south. When you
feel at home in both the higher states and the
lower states, you truly have achieved a more
perfect Union.
*****
Dear Swami:
Can you explain the Theory of
Relativity?
Gordy Yinnott,
Mill Valley, California
Dear Gordy:
Sure. A billionaire comes down to
breakfast one morning and tells his wife he
feels like a million bucks. She says, "Oh my
goodness. What's wrong?"
*****
Dear Swami:
What's this that I hear about a
minister who called for a ban on playing our
National Anthem? Did I hear right, or was it
one of those internet rumors?
José Cañusi,
Tenafly, New Jersey
Dear José:
Yes, you heard right. According to a
Natural Inquirer article I have right here,
the head of the well-known "Mortal Majority,"
has called on Americans to boycott the
Star-Spangled Banner because of what he called
"suggestive and objectionable" lyrics. The
Reverend apparently objected to "the ram parts
we watched" line in the song. "We have no
business watching ram parts," said the
Reverend, "unless we are directly in the
business of raising sheep. And even then,
these ram parts should not be talked about,
let alone sung about. We should leave ram
parts to the sheep, lest we encourage in our
children the most unspeakable perversions."
It also says here that the Reverend
offered America the Beautiful as an
alternative national anthem -- provided they
change that "fruited plain" line.
*****
Read also:
"Who
Is Swami Beyondananda"
and
more
articles from the Swami
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