Guidelines
for Enlightenment
by
Swami
Beyondananda
1. Be a fundamentalist, make sure Fun always comes before
the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be
cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason why we are put in the
material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day and
that will insure 'regularhilarity.'
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special
gift — just for entering. So you are already a winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision.
That is where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me.
4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to
develop.
5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy
thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a
condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And
when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's
Absurdiveness Training Class: "Don't get even, get odd."
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments
and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me.
That way, there will surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with
each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the
peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the
future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When
you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.
8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is
toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.
9. If you're looking to find the key to the universe, I have
some bad news and some good news. The bad news is — there is no key to the
Universe. The good news is — it has been left unlocked.
10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That
way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is
not a bureaucracy. You don't have to go through channels.
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