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Karma
Problems?
by Swami
Beyondananda
Troubled by karma problems? Do you
have a hard time starting your karma in the
morning? Difficulty shifting? Are you
concerned that your karma might be a lemon?
Let the Swami have a look under your hood.
What exactly makes a karma go?
Doesn’t it have something to do with internal
combustion?
Well yes, the karmas we grew up
with seem to get driven by lots of friction
and internal combustion. But this can be quite
stressful, not to mention wear and tear on
parts. In this new millennium, you can expect
to see lots of clean-burning karmas running on
esteem.
So esteem is karma fuel?
Not exactly. Any material in life
that we laugh at can be used to fuel our
karma. When we add a spark of joy to any
painful material in life, this causes an
explosion of mirth – and this bubbling of
laughter causes esteem to rise. So turning
material into esteem is what empowers our
karma.
What kind of karma should I
drive?
It doesn’t really matter what karma
you drive as long as it puts you on the
expressway – and any way you express joy in
the world is your expressway. I suggest
looking at the karma you’re already driving:
Is your karma a big karma or a little one? A
gas-guzzler or one of those fuel-efficient,
high-economy karmas? Are you a sporty model or
a cheap pick-up? An elegant Continental or a
beat-up Bug? Maybe your karma is an old Dodge.
If you’re trading in your old karma for the
millennium, I have to go along with Karma and
Driver magazine and recommend the Evolvo.
What about karma insurance?
Oh, that is a very good idea, and
not just because I recently became a sales rep
for All States. It can happen to anyone. Your
karma is just about paid off and wham – you
run smack into someone’s dogma, and your karma
is totaled. That’s what happened to Joan of
Arc. Salmon Rushdie, on the other hand, was
protected by All States Karma Insurance, and
is impervious to vicious dogmas! And with All
States, you’re protected not just in physical
reality but in all states of being. Why just
last week, I was traveling out of my body and
I locked my keys inside. All States was there
and got me back in my body before my battery
ran out! And if you fall behind in paying your
exorcist, All States will step in BEFORE you
get repossessed. Even if you owe the Eternal
Revenue Service thousands of years in back
karma, All States will insure you. Just tell
them the Swami sent you, and they’ll give you
the Super Savior rate – and a Get Out of Hell
Free card at no extra cost! Just put it on
your Ascended Mastercard and make no payments
until your next lifetime. All States Karma
Insurance ... don’t leave Om without it.
Any tips for cleaning my karma?
I hate to be the one to tell you
this, but you may be suffering from psychic
b.o. (bodhi odor, we call it), because let’s
face it, we smelled in past lives. Some of us
really stunk, and that stink is really going
to stick. So I strongly recommend bringing
your karma to one of those soft-cloth karma
washes for a hose down, especially the
underside. The underside of your karma picks
up some pretty foul stuff in the course of a
lifetime!
Can I learn to attune my own
karma?
As someone who’s been working on
karmas for years, I will tell you that fixing
your karma is easier than you think. Sure, you
might have to see Mr. Godwrench for your
20,000 year check-up, but most problems you
can fix yourself using some simple
Auto-Suggestion techniques. Say goodbye to
invasive mechanical procedures and harmful
engine additives! Just use this healing
relaxation at the first sign of karma trouble:
• Put your karma into park.
• Turn off your ignition.
• Let your weight sink slowly into your
tires.
• Let your shock absorbers release all the
tensions of the road.
• Let all exhaustion escape from your
tailpipe.
Good. Now repeat the following
affirmations as you inhale deeply through your
intake mannafold.
• My battery is fully charged and
I am getting plenty of juice.
• My transmission is engaged and
my karma has shifted into overdrive.
• My front end is aligned with perfection.
• I am One with my Universal Joint.
• I cruise easily with the flow of Traffic
and get off any time I like.
May your karma run smoothly until
it is recalled by its Maker.
Copyright © 1998 by Steve Bhaerman. All rights
reserved.
Read also:
"Who
Is Swami Beyondananda"
and
more
articles from the Swami
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