Hints On Raising Children

by Louise Frechette

How you ask your children to listen, and what you choose to see in them will help determine their response to you. Don't allow your ego to make you feel guilty for not doing it perfectly. The myth of the perfect parent is as much a myth as that of the perfect child. A Course In Miracles reminds us that no one comes into this world without an ego and their own agenda.

What we need to stop thinking is that the monumental task of parenting and educating our children is solely in our hands. It isn't. It's a joint venture, a sacred trust between ourselves, our children, and God. We are together because our lessons of forgiveness are the same. We can be grateful to them for reminding us of our own unhealed guilt and fears.

We don't have a magic formula with which to raise our children, but we have been blessed with a miracle formula handed down to us by the only Perfect Parent. "To follow the Holy Spirit's guidance is to let yourself be absolved of guilt. It is the essence of the Atonement. It is the core of the curriculum. The imagined usurping of functions not your own is the basis of fear ... To return the function e to the One to Whom it belongs is I thus the escape from fear. And it is this that -lets the memory of love return to YOU."

Raising Them Day By Day

Here are a few ideas and a very brief summary of the main methods that have worked miracles for me and which I hope will do the same for you:

1. Start out the day by asking the Holy Spirit to help you and your children to be more willing to listen to His Guidance. Follow it with a prayer of forgiveness for any grievances you may be holding towards your child or anyone.
2. Motivate your children with kind words of trust' that reflect your decision to see their loving Self rather than their ego. Which voice you listen to within yourself brings them closer or farther from wanting to listen to you.
3. Disciplining children calls for love and boundaries. Start with love, then add the boundaries as they are called for. If you are not able to start with love, then start with boundaries, then add the love. When boundaries are set out of love they bring sanity, not guilt.
4. When your children don't listen to you, see it first as a call for communication, not an attack on you. Let them know how you feel in a non-condemning way and listen to their feelings.- Do they understand your need? And do you understand their need? Your greater wisdom as a parent will determine what is negotiable and what isn't.
5. When kind words and patience don't work, it is because your children are identified with their ego and don't value the love you're giving them .Don't wait until you have run out of patience before giving them a choice between listening or facing a consequence. They need the boundary of a consequence rather than a threat, to stop the lack of cooperation before it brings more fear to you and to them. Consequences provide the way in which children learn one of the most fundamental laws of the mind - the power of their own choices Be consistent and follow through with exactly what you say the consequence is going to be. It is not meant to control them, but to lead them away from the control their ego has on them so they can be more free to love.
6. Time out can be misused and overused way if we aren't careful. But when nothing else works, it is unavoidable. Its purpose should never be to punish a child, but to shift the focus from conflict to one of giving them time to reflect on their choice and to help them see the value of cooperating .It should be no more than a few minutes long, then followed up with peaceful discussion to allow love to replace guilt.
7. The best and most powerful way to minimize the need for consequences or time out is devote time every day to teaching your children who their real Self is. They need to be taught how to ask for the Help that is within their mind and how to correct their mistakes by practicing time and time again gentle, loving, and respectful ways of being. As Jesus reminds us of our lack of commitment: "The problem is not one of concentration; it is the belief that no one, including yourself [and your children], is worth consistent effort. Side with me consistently against this deception, and do not permit this shabby belief to pull you back

Remember - you can't fall. You can make mistakes, but you can't fail. You're a child of Love and your Innocence and your children's Innocence is guaranteed by God.

About The Author

Louise Frechette works with children daily as she runs a day care center and enjoys sharing her insights with others. Louise can be reached at: 1027 13th Avenue, SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414. The above article was first printed in 'The Holy Encounter Newsletter' and is reprinted by permission of. Miracle Distribution Center, 1141 East Ash Avenue, Fullerton, CA 92631.