So what do you tell the children to comfort them as they ask many of the same questions that you, at times, have asked yourself? Here are a few "embracing uncertainty" suggestions...

You can tell them:

All that is happening in the world offers you and your children a great opportunity to talk, learn, share, imagine, plan, and open up to each other. Use it all... the good and the bad ...to make the connection between you grow in a healthy and enduring way.

You can tell them...

It is clear to me that the frequent repetition of this wonderful affirmation can eventually quiet the "what if's" in your children's minds that make them feel insecure, frightened, and weak. Because I believe that this is such a valuable affirmation for children to learn, I created, with my friend Donna Gradstein, a book for young children entitled "I CAN HANDLE IT!"*. It contains many stories of children handling all sorts of things, each in their own way... and gaining a greater sense of confidence in the process.

So when your children express any fears about the future, just remind them to say over and over again, "Whatever happens, I'll handle it!" I suggest you say it right along with them. Young or old, knowing we can handle all that happens in our lives gives us a wonderful sense of comfort.

You can tell them...

I see this as a wonderful opportunity to teach your children that we all need to open our hearts and minds to those who believe differently than we do. You need to explain that if we walked in someone else's shoes, perhaps we would see many things their way instead of our way. In truth, we live in a "maybe" world. Maybe we're right; maybe we're wrong. Nobody knows the "Grand Design," the bigger picture that none of us can see. Given that, as we unblock our ears, we might learn a lot and develop a warmer feeling towards those who have a reason to think differently than we do. That's a very good reason for unblocking our ears!

You can tell them:

We live in a "bad news world", no doubt about it. We see and hear bad news everywhere we turn. But you can work with your children to create a "good news world". Certainly the above challenge of seeing how long a list of good things they can make is a great way to begin. On this list could be all the good things they see people doing for others. Also on the list could be all the good things your children experience in their lives...food on the table, a wonderful hot bath, people who care about them, toys, friends, teachers, and on and on and on. As you can see, this is a wonderful opportunity to create a joyful inner life of abundance for your children. It stands to reason that as children focus on the good, by definition, they will have much less time to focus on the bad, thereby seeing the world in a less frightening way.

You can tell them...

Positive action is a great confidence builder and there are many ways that children can get involved in making this a more loving world. After the attack on the World Trade Center, I remember seeing children raising money for the needy with their lemonade stands, writing letters to children who had lost someone they loved, and so on.

There are also ways that children can be more loving in terms of their own behavior... thereby bringing more love into the family, their school, their community, and into the world. You can tell them what Stewart, one of the I CAN HANDLE IT! kids, has to say about it:

I don't understand why wars happen. I just don't understand it at all. But, I CAN HANDLE IT...

Maybe there isn't enough love in the world and that's why people fight with each other. Maybe I don't act loving some of the time. In fact, a lot of the time! When I am being mean to my sister, I am not being loving. When I am fighting with my brother, I am not being loving. When I want more Christmas presents than everyone else, I am not being loving. When I say, "I hate you" to someone, I am not being loving. Maybe I have to start being more loving. If EVERYONE acted more loving, maybe there wouldn't be any more wars. You know what? I think everyone's love counts. Even mine...and yours! See...WE CAN HANDLE IT! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, WE CAN HANDLE IT!

Oh, if all our children learned the lesson that Stewart teaches, we would have a lot more happy children...and parents!

All of the above are just suggestions as to what you can begin to tell your children. Of course, you will want to adapt these ideas to your own situation, your own beliefs, and your own children.

None of us wants a world filled with conflict. But, that is what the world is handing us right now. And we would be wise to find ways of creating something positive and enriching out of it all. Certainly one way of doing this is to show your children...how they can lessen their fears...how they can be more loving...and how they can truly make a difference in this world. The good news is that as we teach our children these valuable lessons, we teach ourselves as well.

© 2003 Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.