She was confused, overwhelmed with the decision, and didn't feel well. I knew this was too great a test for her level of wisdom, and she really wanted to stay home but couldn't say no. So I told her she needed to stay home. She cried from disappointment, but then felt relieved and later thanked me for not letting her go.

Similarly, at 18, Heather had recovered from a viral infection just in time to go to her senior prom on a Saturday night, returning home early Sunday morning. Sunday night, she was supposed to drive herself and her friends about an hour from home to go dancing. She was having second thoughts about going because the weekend was so packed with activities. She knew she might suffer a relapse, but the fun she anticipated having was worth it. I told her she was free to stay home if she wished, and she stated firmly that she was going, so I respected her decision.

In both cases, I respected her underlying desires, stepped in when I felt she needed help, and stood back when she made a firm decision. Respect and discernment were required in both cases. Heather gained experience in both situations. Since being alive is all about gaining experience, there are no wrong choices, since we acquire wisdom no matter what we choose. As parents we need to guide, educate, and encourage, but allow natural and logical consequences to teach our children as often as possible. Indigos, especially, will become defiant if they feel that another's will is being imposed on them.

Indigos already feel that they are different from others. The labels of hyperactivity and ADHD make them believe that they are different in a bad way. This leads to discouragement, depression, and a vicious cycle of negative behavior and moods, which robs them of their potential and gifts.

There is emotional pain behind their inability to sit still or concentrate. When they are treated as if they are bad, they initially become angry at the devaluing of their self-worth. However, like brainwashing, overwhelming devaluation eventually sinks in. One such Indigo was an angelic-looking blue-eyed blonde. She was a new four-year-old at the Montessori school. She had screaming temper tantrums that prompted neighbors of the school to call and see what the teachers were doing to that poor child! Yet, it was "Angel" who was kicking teachers and bullying other kids, while watching her own performance in the mirror with great satisfaction!

This little girl was angry with her mother for not respecting her and giving her freedom. She was angry with her teachers for allowing her too much freedom to abuse others. This little Indigo was not too impressed with the adults in her life. She felt more capable and smarter on one level, yet put down on another -- so she set out to prove who was better! She was secretly hoping someone would rise to the occasion.

It is always easier for an outside professional who is not so emotionally involved to retain detachment and perspective. So during our sessions, the first thing I did was establish who was in charge. I was firm, loving, fair, and respectful, and expected the same from her. The second thing I did was give her a homeopathic remedy. This makes my job as a psychologist a lot easier. The remedy stimulates the cells of the body to rebalance disharmony. The day after the remedy was given, the teachers called to see what happened because a miracle had occurred. Angel was being an angel -- no tantrums, no kicking, no bullying!

However, I knew the job was not complete. We had to work with the adults now that Angel had become more balanced; otherwise, the environment would throw her out of harmony again, and she would not respond so readily next time. She needed her mother and teachers to be strong, firm, and loving so that she could trust them and feel secure enough to settle down to do her work. We all need a feeling of basic security before we can go on to fulfill our purpose.

As her anger mollified, the underlying hurt surfaced -- she felt disliked by the other kids and different in a bad way. Another homeopathic remedy for grief and loss along with some counseling helped heal the emotional wounds. We also focused on her learning some social skills.

We would not want the Indigos to be like everyone else, but it is a difficult road to be different. They sometimes feel lonely and not a part of the group -- that hurts. However, it doesn't help to tell them that they are not different; they know they are. Instead, help them to see that the difference is valuable. Ask them if they would like to be just like everyone else, citing specific examples; they are likely to say no. This reminds them of their choice to be who they are.

Strong Will, Strong Soul

These children are wholly determined to get what they want. The tough part is when they badger you until they get what they want! You are better off saying, "Let me think about it," rather than saying no right off the bat. They generally have good reasons for what they want, which may cause you to reconsider your answer and then back down.

It's better to hear out their reasons and then consider carefully before answering. If you say no and then relent, they will quickly learn to keep pestering until they get their way. This does not mean you should give them everything they want, but rather, mean what you say when you answer yes or no to their request.

A Sense of Responsibility

The primary rule is to have fewer rules, and more guidelines and principles of behavior. If Indigos have values and principles, they can think through the best course of action. Help them develop a code of ethics from the heart. When you are not there, their interactions and decisions will come from a place of love, as opposed to depending on an authority figure to tell them what to do, or waiting until the authority figure leaves to do exactly what they want.

Most humans do not respond well to orders. Better to be a loving and trusted confidant and counselor than to be only a disciplinarian. Define boundaries before you enforce them. Gear demands to the level of the child, allow for childish irresponsibility, and allow natural and logical consequences to teach your child. Discuss issues with your children, and allow them to have a say. Trust them, and they are likely to be trustworthy.

Love Is the Key

The greatest opportunity we have for growth is in our relationships with others. It is only as we see ourselves reflected in them that we get feedback on who we are. If you can see the issues your children bring up for you as opportunities for character development for both you and them, you will find the problems much less troublesome. We only add to the difficulties when we worry, blame, or try to escape the challenges we are facing with our kids. Look at what is tough for you to handle in your kids; then see what the lesson is for you. As you deal with this, you will release the struggle with the child, and your relationship will improve. Remember to see the humor in the situation or relationship, and feel the love you have for this human who is very special to you.

Give them your time, your attention, and yourself; this is love. Kids remember the important events with you, but they don't remember how often they occurred. So give fully to them whenever you can.