A Parenting Revolution

by Dr. Caron Goode

If we knew that our children were our planetary and societal salvation and held the answer to the questions of how to survive and thrive into the next century, how would we treat them?

Collectively, the statistics regarding our children's state of consciousness are frightening. Research shows a worldwide trend of increased suicide, depression, and loneliness. Stress in children as well as aggression, worry, eating disorders, and learning impairments are high. New studies in the United States indicate growing violence and antisocial behaviors in our schools. The trends, however, are global -- transcending culture, society, school, religions, and family.

In our efforts to see that our children survive in today's world, we have denied their individuality. We've asked them to do what appears safe rather than what their heart truly desires. In addition, many have lost hope. How can this trend be changed?

To make this happen, a parenting revolution is called for in the way we view and treat our children, especially if we want them to reach their full potential, make their unique contribution to society, and find satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy in life.

A WHOLE-CHILD APPROACH

We have become fragmented in our worldview and developed segmented disciplines in our society: medicine treats the body; psychology deals with the mind; education trains the intellect; and religion cares for the soul. However, in the last fifteen years the field of psychoneuroimmunology has demonstrated that the mind and body are one system and the components cannot be isolated from one another. To do so creates disorder.

The concept of wholeness has combined the various disciplines and presents a menu of options from which parents can choose appropriate techniques to assist their children in the skills required to successfully recognize their gift and live their dream. In the institutions of higher learning, we have

• Constructed new theories of intelligence and emotional development of children
• Mapped the emotions in the body
• Discovered where thoughts are anchored in the brain tissue
• Observed how the stress chemical, cortisol, hosts a trail of symptoms that predict ill health
• Learned how appropriate breathing can assuage stress symptoms
• Demonstrated how music can soothe emotions and relax the heart
• Proven that when we can express ourselves in a variety of modalities such as movement, art, dancing, or sculpture, we feel better and function more effectively
• Documented the effectiveness of mindbody technologies about which the National Institutes of Health reported in its 1992 Report on Alternative Medicine

THE DREAM VISION FOR LIFE

Children who have vision find their joy in life. They have realized their gift, touched their creative core, and found their dream.

The dream in each person's heart steers the course of his or her life. It sparks one's passion for being alive. The dream unfolds and refines its expression throughout childhood, adolescence, and beyond. Following one's inner direction, however, is often discouraged by society in general and our educational system in particular, both of which value conformity. We must revolutionize our view of parenting to support rather than deny the dream.

The dream is a vision of innate potential, of the natural gifts that our children bring with them into this world. Experts used to believe that children entered this world tabula rasa, a blank slate. Yet any parent or person who has worked with children knows that each child, when nurtured and encouraged, develops according to his or her unique temperament and abilities. If accorded supportive life circumstances, a child will fulfill that specific dream or particular life task.

The authors contributing to Nurture Your Child's Gift believe that the vision in every child needs to be recognized and encouraged. This requires a daring and bold response. We as parents need a collective agreement to no longer see our children as unknowing beings to be impressed and programmed with society's traditional culture and limitations. Rather, to find our child's gift and nurture the dream requires the highest kind of love -- one that is volitional-based on the child's needs and potentials. It requires effort to observe, learn, make mistakes, perform re-takes, and be conscious of our modeling. It is, however, the loving way that we have all asked for.

Gifts and dreams take time to emerge in any individual. We can, however, encourage them to reveal their identity through specific mindbody techniques that foster emotional openness, increase physical relaxation, and develop intelligence and intuition.

For example, think of the human mind and body as an energy loop. In optimal conditions, energy flows freely throughout the bodily systems. If we are surrounded by intense negativity, are stressed out, or experience trauma, the loop gets blocked and paralyzes us in some way. Blocked energy shows up in our children as their being "tuned-out" from stress and mentally distracted or depressed. Their emotions may take wide swings. They feel stuck, frozen, paralyzed, angry, intense, or inert. They develop attention deficits and learning disorders.

On the other hand, when we are "in the flow" our energy is open. We feel good, energized, fluid, inspired, expectant, trusting, animated, invigorated, and enlivened. The wholistic applications of breathwork, music, creative problem solving, self-dialogue, affirmation, and imagery assist children to harmonize their mindbody system.

WHOLE-CHILD PARENTING

What empowers successful parents? It's the ability to observe or see what works or what doesn't work and the flexibility to change course. This is called awareness or mindfulness in our daily life.

For instance, our parenting is not as simple as black and white, good or bad, or right or wrong choices. We can convey through our language and actions that we all have several choices in any situation. By learning to be mindful and aware of what we put into action, both parents and children can learn to make choices that work. Too, rather than labeling and belaboring mistakes, we can take basketball coach Jim Harrick's words to heart. He says, "The team that makes the most mistakes will generally win the game."

To be a parent means to make mistakes, but we don't have to take them personally. A sense of humor and a dose of love are what we call parenting with heart. This book (Nurture Your Child's Gift) emphasizes an openhearted parenting style that helps a family laugh together, learn from each other, breathe together, enjoy music with each other, and look at life through a creative lens.

Whole-child parenting is a revolutionary approach to move us beyond our comfort zone, to stretch for our children's visions, and to support our children's gifts. Esteem and empowerment are the building blocks for the dream's expression and help children achieve their personal success.

The child who is a visionary or dreamer will be a maverick. He or she will also be a progenitor of ideas and creativity. These children don't always fit into the conventional systems of education. As parents, we can help and prepare them to use their gifts wisely and share their dreams as global citizens.

This article was excerpted from Nurture Your Child's Gift, ©2001, by Caron B. Goode, Ed.D. Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Beyond Words Publishing, http://www.beyondword.com

Info/Order this book.

Read a review of this book.

About The Author

Caron B. Goode's insights are drawn from her fifteen years in private psychotherapy practice and thirty years of experience in the fields of education, personal empowerment, and therapy. She is currently the co-managing director with her husband, Tom Goode, N.D., of the International Breath Institute, an educational and training organization that offers health and lifestyle management seminars and certification. She and her husband live in Boulder, Colorado.