Fix It For Me...Please!

by Marie T. Russell

Were you raised on Fairy Tales?...where Prince Charming rushed in to the rescue, the fairy Godmother waved her magic wand and made everything better... and where two lovers got married and lived happily ever after (without having to "work" at their relationship). Having grown up with these 'role models' is it any surprise that we expect life to be the same?

We have spent years mistreating our body, consequently creating overweight, back pains, tumors, cancer, etc., and we expect the doctor, or healer, or counselor to come in and with a few 'magic' words or remedies, fix us instantly. For years, we went to doctors, explained our ills and expected that a pill or combination of pills and surgery would take care of it all. If the doctor dared suggest that our illness was psychosomatic (It's all in your head...), we got indignant and promptly decided that he was a quack, and "what does he know anyway..."

These days with the reappearance of 'healers', the trend continues. I see it in my own attitudes about my 'stuff' and my life. It's the same old thing. People flock to healers for two reasons it seems. One, nothing else has worked. Two, this may be the magic wand they have been looking for. Fix me! Let me lay down on the table and fix me! People ask..."Will this work?" as if, once again, someone else is doing the fixing and they are simply bystanders.

Do we look at our bodies and ourselves in somewhat the same way we look at our cars? We take our cars to the mechanic and expect the mechanic to fix it...Yet, let's take this analogy one step further. Once the mechanic has repaired your car by replacing parts that were broken or needed adjusting, what comes next? If the problem was that you were mistreating your car, and if you continue to do so, the problem will come back. Same thing with us. The problem lies not in the physical manifestation, as in headache, backache, stress, cancer, tumor, indigestion, etc. The problem lies in how we create those things in the first place — and that problem can not be fixed by any other than ourselves.

If our 'problematic situation' lays in the fact that we are overweight, or suffering from indigestion because we do not eat properly, that's the issue we need to address. This reminds me of a joke I read, and I paraphrase: 

A man had severe pain in his scrotum. The doctor recommended surgical removal of the man's testicles...which he agreed to. After all the pain was so intense that it was worth it — if this would 'fix it'. So the operation took place, and sure enough the man had no more pain. A few months later, he walked into a store and saw his favorite kind of jeans on sale. He was ready to buy a few pair when the salesman remarked "Those are some good looking jeans. But the way they are built will give you a severe pain in the balls. I don't recommend them." 

Moral of the story? The symptom (the pain) was not the problem. The aching testicles were not the cause of the problem. The tight, ill-constructed jeans were. When we expect the problem to magically disappear without addressing the cause, we are doing the same thing as this man... thinking that our behavior has nothing to do with the problem.

Fix me! It sure would be wonderful if we could simply turn over responsibility for our lives, and our aches and pains, to someone else. However, it doesn't work like that. When I was doing counseling work, I repeatedly told my clients (and prospective clients) that I could supply them with insights and tools, but I could not do the work for them. 

We are responsible to make the changes in our life -- which will then change the results we are getting. To expect someone to fix us is to expect them to live our life for us. Mind you, some of us may be doing that. We have turned over responsibility for our decisions to our parents, our boss, our husband/wife, our friends, government, teachers, even to our kids. After all, it is easier to have someone else take the risk of making a decision... and then if it doesn't work out, well it's not your fault. Is it?

The greatest teaching in the 'new age' movement is that we are responsible for our reality. Whatever is taking place in our lives, we have created it, attracted it, or given it permission to be there. Even the teaching that 'everything is our mirror' supports the fact that we are responsible for what we see and experience.

Oh darn! It was so much easier when we could blame everybody else. At that time, we didn't have to do anything about whatever was troubling us because it was somebody else's 'fault'... we had nothing to do with it. Well, the good news is that it is our 'fault'. What? Yes, that is good news. After all, the word fault is simply defined as "responsibility for something wrong". So, if something is wrong in our lives and needs fixing, then we are responsible, and that is good news. If we are responsible then we can 'fix it'. We and we alone can do so -- we don't have to wait for someone else to do it. Others can give us insights, can suggest things we can do, and can even give us moral support in doing what we need to do. Yet, the bottom line is that we have to 'fix it' ourselves. We need to change our attitudes and our behavior, and take responsibility for changing what is unbalanced in our lives.

Many people after a 'healing' or counseling session will ask: "Do you think this is going to work?" — affixing the responsibility for making it better on someone else. Any changes we want to have take place in our lives we need to do ourselves. If you're unhappy at your job then you're the one who has to make a change... you either change your attitude, your expectations, your behavior, or you change your job. If you are feeling unfulfilled, then again the answer is not to go out there looking for a new love or a new challenge to 'fulfill' you. The answer lies in looking within and finding the source of those feelings and address the issue.

It's easy to fix yourself, once you take responsibility and face the facts. It's your life! You got yourself into this mess, and only you can get yourself out — maybe with a little help from your friends, but nevertheless, you have to do the work. To expect otherwise is expecting Prince Charming or the Fairy Godmother to rush in and rescue you. It is fine and dandy to ask Higher Powers and friends for assistance, but you must take action. Which reminds me of another story...

A man is caught in a flood. As the waters are rising the neighbors invite him to get in their boat. He says no, he is waiting for the Lord to rescue him. As the waters rise even higher he sees a raft floating by... he thinks of jumping on it, yet decides no, he will wait for the Lord to rescue him. Later, as he sits on the roof of his house (the only spot which is not under water), a helicopter comes by and throws him down a rope ladder so he can come on board. His answer? No, I'm waiting for the Lord to rescue me. The man drowns and finds himself face to face with his maker. He is upset! "Lord I was waiting for you to rescue me, and you didn't show." The Lord's answer? "I sent you a boat, a raft, and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

Moral: Help will come, but the ultimate act of rescue must come from you. Only you can take action and do those things that will ensure your well-being and happiness.

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Recommended book: 

"The Door of Everything"
by Ruby Nelson
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