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The
Bridge of Empathy
by
Sharon Salzberg
 Contemporary
psychological research shows that some
individuals, when they are in a highly
agitated state of mind, are oblivious to how
they are feeling. Their hearts may be racing,
their blood pressure climbing, and they may be
sweating profusely, yet they are not aware of
being angry or afraid or anxious. About one
person in six exhibits this pattern. Being so
unaware of their own pain, is it possible that
they could understand or empathize with what
someone else may be feeling? Being unable to
empathize, how can they live complete lives?
When
we practice mindfulness, one of the qualities
that we are developing is empathy. As we open
to the full range of experiences within
ourselves, we become aware of what we perceive
in each moment, no longer denying some
feelings while clinging to others. By coming
to know our own pain, we build a bridge to the
pain of others, which enables us to step out
of our self-absorption and offer help. And
when we actually understand how it feels to
suffer -- in ourselves and in others -- we are
compelled to live in a way that creates as
little harm as possible.
With
empathy acting as a bridge to those around us,
a true morality arises within. Knowing that
someone will suffer if we perform a harmful
action or say a hurtful word, we find we do
these things less and less. It is a very
simple, natural, and heart-full response.
Rather than seeing morality as a set of rules,
we find a morality that is an uncontrived
reluctance to cause suffering.
In
Buddhist teachings, an image is used to
reflect this quality of mind: a feather, held
near a flame, instantly curls away from the
heat. When our minds become imbued with an
understanding of how suffering feels and fill
with a compassionate urge not to cause more of
it, we naturally recoil from causing harm.
This happens without self-consciousness or
self-righteousness; it happens as a natural
expression of the heart. As Hannah Arendt
said, "Conscience is the one who greets
you if and when you ever come home."
Two
qualities are traditionally attributed to this
beautiful and delicate sense of conscience
that gives rise to harmlessness: in Pali they
are known as biri and ottapab, traditionally
translated as "moral shame" and
"moral dread". The translation is
somewhat misleading, as these qualities have
nothing to do with fear or shame in the
self-deprecating sense. Rather, they have to
do with that natural and complete turning
away from causing harm. Ottapah, or
moral dread, comes from a feeling of
disquietude at the possibility of hurting
ourselves or others. Hiri, moral shame,
manifests in the form of a reluctance to cause
pain in others because we know fully in
ourselves how that feels.
In
this sense, opening to our own suffering can
be the source of our deep connection to
others. We open to this pain, not for the sake
of getting depressed, but for what it has to
teach us: seeing things in a different way,
having the courage not to harm, recognizing
that we are not alone and could never be
alone.
Sometimes
we are afraid to open to something painful
because it seems as though it will consume us.
Yet the nature of mindfulness is that it is
never overcome by whatever is the present
object of awareness. If we are mindful of a
twisted or distorted state of mind, the
mindfulness is not twisted or distorted. Even
the most painful state of mind or the most
difficult feeling in the body does not ruin
mindfulness. A true opening, born of
mindfulness, is marked by spaciousness and
grace.
In
our culture we are taught to push away, to
avoid our feelings. This kind of aversion is
the action of a mind caught in separation.
Whether in the active, fiery form of anger and
rage, or in a more inward, frozen form like
fear, the primary function of these mental
states is to separate us from what we are
experiencing. But the only way that we can be
free from suffering ourselves and avoid doing
harm to others is by connection -- a
connection to our own pain and, through
awareness and compassion, a connection to the
pain of others. We learn not to create
separation from anything or anyone. This is
empathy.
 This
article was
excerpted from
"A
Heart As Wide As The World:
Stories on the Path of Lovingkindness"
by Sharon Salzberg.
Info/Order
this book
About The
Author
Sharon
Salzberg is a cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society in Barre,
Massachusetts, and author of Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of
Happiness. This article is excerpted with permission from her book
"A Heart As Wide As The World", ©1997, published by
Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boston. www.shambhala.com
For a schedule of Sharon's workshops, visit http://www.dharma.org/sharon/sharon.htm
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