Emotions in Relationships

by Bruce D. Schneider, Ph.D.

Myth: "It's never as good as in the beginning."

You may be attracted to someone when you first meet but it may be on a physical level mostly. When the excitement of that original feeling fades, you may feel something is wrong with the relationship. In actuality, you only misunderstood the meaning of relationships.

As in all types of relationships, the purpose of romantic relationships is to learn who you are in relation to the person you're with. Our potential for knowing ourselves is hidden, awaiting discovery.

Your emotional relationships are part of the perfect process. They're no different from experiencing peace in relation to stress, satiation to hunger, and so on. Romantic relationships offer opportunities to re-discover and share Love by experiencing compassion, kindness, unity, and acceptance, as opposed to the negative feelings and situations that you've had before or after. All experiences help you define and re-discover who you are.

Romantic relationships also help us remember self-security. As physical beings, we often feel vulnerable when these relationships begin. We may feel exposed, because we don't want to lose our new "partner". But our Spiritual Self is invulnerable, and we may learn how invulnerability feels compared to the illusion of insecurity.

By understanding the purpose for romantic relationships and accepting the pain along with the pleasure, you stop placing demands on, and judging, your partner. This allows you to enjoy each moment of a relationship for what it brings. And, being nonjudgmental is more God-like.

Myth: "My partner completes me."

God didn't need to create more than one human being to experience the physical form. That would have been enough if it were the only purpose for our creation. The true purpose is to find out who we are and that our true nature is Love, which must be expressed to be enjoyed. We need others to do this. Our "partners" help us share Love, which lets us experience what that feels like.

As valuable as others are for our re-discovery, they don't "complete" us. We don't need Love from another if we have Love within and for ourselves. The Love we share with others helps us know what Love is, by experiencing and letting others experience it as well.

I've heard many happy couples say, "I found the person who completed me". I've also counseled individuals who once believed this, and now feel "incomplete" because of a break-up. They placed the burden of becoming whole on another rather than themselves, and felt the pain in doing so. We are not incomplete in any way. When we look at another as someone we need to complete us, we assume a position of inferiority. As such, we don't acknowledge that the Almighty already gave us everything. Feeling incomplete limits our ability to realize true happiness.

You'll look forever if you look for true happiness outside yourself. The happiness you think a companion brings you is no different than any other illusion. True happiness, just like true Love, is attained only from within. When you place demands on others to make you happy or complete, you ask the impossible. Once you're loving and happy with yourself, you allow others to see and share the real you, the whole you: body, mind, and spirit.

When you remember you're whole as a spiritual being, you are secure in every relationship. You benefit from what others bring you, but never feel you'd "lose" something if things went wrong.

This article was excerpted from 

"Relax, You're Already Perfect: 10 Spiritual Lessons to Remember" by Bruce D Schneider, Ph.D.
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About The Author

Bruce D Schneider is a spiritual psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, Usui Reiki Master, psychorientologist, metaphysician, and the founder of the Perfect Creation Foundation. His seminars, workshops, and counseling sessions have helped others transform their lives. You can reach him at: www.PerfectCreation.com  The above was excerpted from "Relax, You're Already Perfect: 10 Spiritual Lessons to Remember", © 2000 by Bruce D Schneider, Ph. D., reprinted by permission of Ebb/Flow Publishing. 

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