Infant Sexuality
by Rhonda Levand
Everything that happened to us in our infancy,
every touch received, every reaction we felt to our sexuality, is remembered in our
subconscious minds. We have stored these memories of our first touch, bonding with our
mothers and fathers, feeding, toilet training, holding, and nurturing, to be triggered off
as results when we create intimate experiences with our partners.
The Birthing Experience
How people react at our birth affects how
we feel about our sexuality. If the baby feels disappointment, or anything other than
complete joy around its sexuality, as it grows up the child could become sexually
confused. At birth, a baby is vulnerable and naked, and has never before been touched by
human hands. If the touching is rough, or if the baby is treated as an object when she/he
is cleaned or touched, she/he may decide touching doesn't feel good, or it hurts. How a
baby is touched is an important factor in how it will like to be touched sexually as an
adult.
If the baby's cord is cut too quickly or
roughly, the baby may decide breathing is painful. These babies may unconsciously hold
their breath whenever they are in a new or fearful situation. Often people hold their
breath when having sex. Sex is really enhanced when people let go of fear and breathe. The
more we breathe, the more pleasure there is in sex. This pattern of holding one's breath
start right at birth with the cutting of the cord.
Sex brings up birth issues and vulnerability. The bonding period between mother, father and baby is also an important time.
This is when the choice is made between feeling separate or feeling connected to other human beings.
Infant Feeding And Sex
In the past, babies were only brought to
their mothers at feeding time. Then they would be separates from their mother and taken
back to the nursery. Because of this, these babies learned that they had to wait for
food, pleasure and affection; and after they received it, they had to separate As these
babies grew older and established relationships, they could only feel connected during
sex, and then abruptly became separate. (The old one-night-stand syndrome.)
Interestingly enough, men who were not
nursed may have an obsession with big-breasted women. The men I have interviewed who were
not breastfed often admit they are attracted to, and obsessed with, thoughts of being with
big-breasted women. If they have sex with women with small breasts they are disappointed,
and feel they can't have what they want. The obsession with big breasts occurs because, to
an infant, the mother's breast looks really big! The breastfed man is usually turned on to
breasts, but he is also turned on to women's faces, legs, and other parts of the feminine
body. The obsession with big breasts just doesn't seem to be there for men who were
satisfied as babies by being breastfed.
Whether an infant was fed on demand or on
a schedule is important in future decisions it may make about affection. For example, a
person who was fed on demand may appear too demanding about wanting sex, love, or
affection. Whereas, their partner, who was schedule-fed, feels one must wait to receive
what you want. This dynamic can create struggle and upset, because these two people are
out of sync in their timing and decisions about life.
Birthing, Sex and You
It's amazing that we have so much going
on in the first two years of our lives that we don't consciously remember. These first two
years are very important conditioning years for our sexuality and sensuality. These
decisions are about being a sexual being; experiencing pleasure; feeling that pleasure is
innocent; receiving what you want, how and when you want it; being touched and how that
feels; feeling safe and connected to another human being.
When interviewing people about whether
their parents were affectionate in front of the children, I found a direct correlation
between this, and whether or not the same people felt comfortable showing affection in
public. The adults who had never seen their parents acting affectionately toward each
other when they were growing up, said they had a hard time being affectionate in public.
Just like birth, sex is a very vulnerable
time, with lots of holding, touching, kissing and connecting. How much you were touched,
tickled, and played with as an infant would also influence how you feel about being
touched and being affectionate. Some people have so much fear and embarrassment about
sexuality, that they are afraid to show affection or receive affection from their partners
in public.
Begin to activate and stimulate your mind
to remembering your infancy, and what decisions you made. If you don't like the decisions
you made in infancy, and thus the results you have in your life, you can choose out of
them, and make other choices.
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