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Beauty & Poetry of Sex
by Wendy Maltz
Until quite recently, male poets
have dominated this genre. Too many of the erotic poems I found in the classic
texts tended to repeat themes of objectifying, adoring, or controlling females. The
Kama
Sutra, one of the classic Eastern love texts, speaks repeatedly of intimate
relations between "the girl" and "the man". In a chapter
entitled "Creating Confidence in the Girl", the text advises the man
whose young lover is reluctant:
"...if she
would not yield to him he should frighten her by saying 'I shall impress marks
of my teeth and nails on your lips and breasts...'"1
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Classic Western love poems are
generally less graphically direct, but often just as offensive to my ethic of
healthy intimacy. They perpetuated the cultural norms of their day, especially
the belief that a woman's personal sexual experience was irrelevant; her
pleasure would come in being a submissive vehicle for satisfying a man's sexual
desires. In "The Jewels," the French poet Charles Baudelaire writes:
My
well-beloved was stripped. Knowing my whim
She wore her tinkling gems, but naught besides;
And showed such pride as, while her luck betides,
A sultan's favoured slave may show to him.2
Sometimes I found a poem that
seemed to honor the importance of mutuality in intimacy. But then I would hear
something in it that echoed back to an imbalance of power. In "Invitation
to the Voyage," Baudelaire begins to weave more appropriate imagery
about making time to savor sexual pleasure:
Imagine the magic
of living together
there, with all the time in the world
for loving each other,...3
But within a few lines, he
refers to his lover as "my sister, my child". I shuddered to think how
survivors of incest and rape would respond to the specific images I was finding,
and how all of us would hear the wrong message reinforced, if I were to return
to these poets for inspiration. I felt disillusioned that the traditional
"love" poets whose works I had enjoyed 25 years ago, when I studied
poetry in college, were reinforcing relationship dynamics that prevent mutually
rewarding sexual love and intimacy. However lyrical or sensuous the language
sounds, love poetry of the past lacks a foundation of equality between two
partners. Without this framework, even the most beautiful poem fails to evoke
relationships built on mutual caring, with both partners active participants in
loving.
Even though my initial efforts
to find sex-positive imagery uncovered only a handful of appropriate works, this
step in my search was important. It got me reading and appreciating poetry.
Poetry speaks a universal
language
Unlike longer prose, which tends
to relate more specifically to a character, poems evoke images that resonate for
each of us, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. With a few spare lines
of text, they capture a world of experience. We don't need an advanced degree in
literature to appreciate the meaning of a well-written poem. The words speak
right to our heart. The poet's metaphors connect our actions as humans with the
larger life forces in nature. And they focus on the momentary glimpses we gain
through experience. Because sex itself is a momentary but profound experience,
poetry is a perfect medium for exploring the meaning, mystery, and beauty of
sex.
My search into contemporary
poetry brought personal satisfaction and rich rewards. I began to discover that
today's poets are very interested in helping to explain and explore sexual love.
For the general reader, the words are understandable. For the reader with a
deeper background in literature, the poems bring together some well-known
contemporary poets, and some newer voices. Together, their combined perspectives
deeply penetrate the mystery of sex.
Listen to Molly Peacock, in
"The Purr," searching for new words to describe the same mystery that
D. H. Lawrence could not solve:
. . .
The mysterious thrum
that science can't yet explain awakes a hum
in me, the sound something numb come alive makes.
And poet Sharon Olds gives new
meaning to familiar words as she describes "making love" in her poem,
"The Knowing":
. . .
For an hour
we wake and doze, and slowly I know
that though we are sated, though we are hardly
touching, this is the coming the other
brought us to the edge of -- we are entering,
deeper and deeper, gaze by gaze,
this place beyond the other places,
beyond the body itself, we are making
love.
Sex: Momentary & Transcendent
Sex is momentary, and sex is
transcendent. That's the paradox. The most intense physical sharing we
experience with another person is gone in a matter of minutes. And yet, it
connects us with a larger energy, a life force. Real, authentic intimacy leaves
behind an inner glow that warms every aspect of our lives. Sex reminds us of our
limitations and our expansiveness as humans. We are alone, and we are together.
Terra Hunter captures this
duality beautifully in her poem "Wanting You," as she writes:
How is it that our two
bodies
made only of flesh and bone
ignite with this fire
yet do not burn?
How is it that this cannot last
will disappear into the ether
as our bones will turn to dust
and disappear into the earth?
Sexual love is connection, not
only with one's partner, but with the elemental beauty of life on earth. Often,
when the poets in this collection (Passionate
Hearts: The Poetry of Sexual Love) describe the sensual and transcendental
aspects of sex, they use metaphors from nature. A lover's touch becomes the
summer heat moving through a canyon. A climax becomes the deepening red colors
in a sunset. An embrace becomes the soft inside petals of a flower.
The poets reminded me that some
of the best images to represent the experience of sexual love are to be found in
the natural world. Healthy sexual expression is a natural aspect of life. Tuning
into life's natural beauty can stimulate our senses and enhance sexual awareness
and enjoyment.
This article was excerpted with
permission from the introduction of the book Passionate
Hearts: The Poetry of Sexual Love, ©1996, compiled and edited by Wendy
Maltz, published by New World Library, Novato, California, USA, http://www.nwlib.com
 This
article is excerpted from:
"Passionate Hearts: The Poetry of
Sexual Love"
by Wendy Maltz.
Info/Order book
About
the Author
 WENDY
MALTZ, M.S.W., a well-known sex therapist and marriage counselor, is the
author of The Sexual
Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse and the
co-author of In
the Garden of Desire: The Intimate World of Women's Sexual Fantasies.
She is co-director, with her husband Larry, of Maltz Counseling
Associates in Eugene, Oregon, USA. Her website is www.healthysex.com
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