BOOK REVIEW:

by 
Rebecca Z. Shafir, M.A., CCC

Publisher: Quest Books

Reviewed by Marcia Horn Noyes  

Listening: it’s something so simple. By listening effectively, we can move mountains. We learn more, understand more, and provide compassion for those experiencing life’s most difficult moments -- if we just open ourselves to the possibility of caring with attentive silence. Yet, listening can be difficult to master.

A much loved and treasured person in my life recently told me that I often don’t truly listen to what he says. In conversations with him, I’d feign attention while planning what to say next.

When I selected Rebecca Shafir’s book, "The Zen of Listening," I hoped I might learn something I’d missed along the way. In Chapter Two, the author gives the reader a "test" to discover listening imperfections.

Once present listening skills are evaluated through the test, the author goes on to awaken the sense of listening in each of us. She also uncovers the great walls of misunderstanding that often hamper our ability to listen, and for those in the workplace – she gives techniques to help listen while under stress.

Rebecca says poor listeners crave attention, think about what they’ll say next, interrupt to take control of the conversation, hold fast to opinions, constantly dwell on the past or dream about the future, and exhibit other self-defeating behaviors. "If we acknowledge that every person, by virtue of sheer life experience, has a valuable insight to share," Rebecca says we can make changes in our ability to listen.

At the end of the book, listening is taken a step further, when the reader learns how to help others listen. The author cautions against using absolutes like never, always, and every. "Absolutes and 'should' are hot-button words that can easily shut down your partner’s willingness to listen," she explains.

I believe readers will find, as I have, that the tools offered in this book are necessary in building meaningful conversations that provide understanding of all those we encounter.