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Clever ingenious creatures that we are, we can attain anything we set our mind to. Before you set your mind to anything, however, make sure it is something you want.

Many people in our culture are clamoring — try panting — for fame and fortune. The gods of our society are not those with the greatest character, most penetrating intellect, or deepest peace of mind. They are those with the most money, best bodies, and sports records. (When was the last time you saw Dr. Stephen Hawking's face on a men's cologne ad or the Dalai Lama on the cover of People?) Our values are heavy on things and light on essence.

Striving for Success or Happiness?

I know many people striving for success in the corporate world and the entertainment industry. Most of them are not happy campers. They are all trying to get somewhere, mostly at the expense of being somewhere. They live in a harsh world of judgment and competition and are constantly comparing their bodies, voices, or P & L statements to others.

A friend of mine was being pursued by a certain man when she went to church each week. She was not interested in him and kept putting him off. Then one day when she left church he followed her out to her car, where he produced several of his recent tax returns with large numbers on them and tossed them onto the hood of her car for her to peruse. "Wanna go out with me now?" he asked smugly. "Even less than before," she told him as she got into her car and drove away.

Pursue Goals that you Enjoy

Money, fame, a hard body, and first prizes are not healthy goals to pursue for their own sake. If you do, you doom yourself before you begin. You are building your house on sand, and when the first rain comes, you had better own a Speedo. Instead, allow these rewards to show up as by-products of following your spirit. Build your business or body because you enjoy doing it. Sing for your love of the song. Compete for the sake of honing your skills. What you do may look the same as the actions of those clamoring for approval, but the reason you do it and the way you feel as you proceed will be radically different. You will proceed from wholeness rather than inadequacy, and that will make all the difference.

Rather than designating a specific situation as your goal, designate a quality of experience. Don't pray or strive for a particular mate, job, or house. Instead, set your intention for the kind of relationship, job, or home you desire, and how you want to feel about it. Then leave the particulars to the universe. If you demand a particular form, you can get it, but you might miss the essence. I know a woman who intensely wanted a relationship, so she found a magazine photo of a handsome man and posted it on her refrigerator as a sort of treasure map. Within a short time she met a good-looking guy similar to the fellow in the photo and started a relationship with him. After a while it became apparent that he was an alcoholic, which ultimately ruined their relationship. Then she went back, looked at her treasure map photo, and realized he had a drink in his hand. She would have done better to focus on the kind of man she sought and the quality of the relationship that matched her heart's desires.

Don't Base Your Goals on Fear

Specific goals such as a net income, ideal weight, or a slick car can be fun and useful; just hold them lightly. If you drive yourself crazy over getting them, when they arrive you will not enjoy them. Found your journey on trust, and the right things will show up and stay. When anxiety is your keynote, attaining your goal will not remove your fear, but only intensify it. Struggle to get, struggle to keep. Instead of striving for the Sale of the Century, enjoy the Sail of the Century.

In the end, the only goal worth seeking is a satisfied soul. This has nothing to do with what is going on outside you and everything to do with what is going on inside you. The more you try to find it out there, the less you find it in here. The quest for self-knowledge is especially challenging in a world obsessed with toys and external distractions. Yet if you commit yourself to discovering the jewel that glows within your heart, it shall be yours forever.

This article was excerpted with permission from the book:

Why Your Llife Sucks
by Alan Cohen.

Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Jodere Group, Inc. ©2002. www.joderegroup.com

Info/Order this book (newer edition/different cover).

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