I believe that it is hugely important for everyone to be aware of what they are listening to internally. For the majority of people if they turned on a radio and the station was negative and critical, fearful, whining, or complaining they would turn it off. Most people would take control of the situation and choose something that would be more enjoyable and more productive. Of course, there are some who just enjoy a good moan, but that is another story; and, as they say, “to each their own.”

But if you are someone whose sense of self could do with a boost, you may wish to take some time to tune in and really become aware of the background station that you are tuned into. Once you become consciously aware, it is very difficult to ignore.

Have You Ever Made A Mistake?

I like to ask my clients if they have ever made a mistake, and the answer is usually “yes”; we have all at times gotten things wrong. It is the nature of being human.

However, what we do and how we treat ourselves in those moments can vary wildly; some may just shrug and say, “Oh well, I have learnt from that and won’t do it again,” and others berate themselves and call themselves all kinds of terrible names. This inner voice often has an energetic tone to it as well, a tone that sets off all kinds of inner feelings.

I know that a particular favourite of mine used to be calling myself an idiot and a donkey, in a particularly sarcastic tone of voice. All this did was make me feel very bad and pretty useless and in no way helped me to learn from the event. But until I did the exercise, which I share with you below, I was not even aware that I was doing it.

EXERCISE: Inner Critic

PART A

1. Become aware of a memory, of a moment in time when you got something wrong, where you made a mistake; take yourself back to the moment when you realized it had happened. If you close your eyes and imagine that you are back there, then you can really get a sense of what was going on.

2. What were you saying to yourself at the time?

3. Become aware of the tone of the voice; is it angry, disappointed, sarcastic, matter of fact (which is usually the worst of all, because it feels so normal)?

4. Where do you hear the voice? (This may feel strange as you will not have thought of this before.) Do you hear the critic part of you at the front of your head? To the side? Behind you?

5. Is it your voice? So many people learnt how to give themselves a hard time by mimicking people who were there at the early stages of their lives: parents, teachers, caretakers. Many people think, as this was what they experienced, that this is normal and acceptable, and the harsh reality is that so often it is not. This is not to cast blame on the caregivers or the people we learnt this from, they would just have been doing what they thought was normal and what was shown to them as they were growing up. But even still it does not make it right or acceptable.

6. Once you recognize the words, the tone, and the quality of the voice, I want you to close your eyes once again.

7. Imagine that you have been assigned an apprentice for a week. This person is going to have to be you for a week. They are going to have to carry out all the daily tasks that you carry out, take care of all of the things that you take care of, and it is your job to motivate them to be the best you that they can be. There is only one catch: You are only able to talk to them in the way that you were talking to yourself when you made a mistake. You are only able to use the same tone of voice, use the same words that you used to berate yourself. And you are to imagine saying these things over and over again.

8. Think about the impact this would have on the person in front of you.

9. How would this make them feel?

10. How successfully would they be able to carry out the tasks assigned to them, and how motivated would they be to even carry them out in the first place?

Most people that I work with are horrified when I ask them to do this. They shake their heads and tell me that this would destroy the person; that they would not dream of speaking to someone like that as it would be very destructive, undermine their confidence, and prevent them from being the best that they could be. They insist that they would never do this – until I remind them that this is how they have been talking to themselves inside their head. It can come as a bit of a shock to know that they can be so abusive to themselves and then wonder why they don’t always do as well as they would like.

So how do you change it if this is a habit that you have had for life?

Well, awareness is the biggest key; once you recognize that you are doing this, and are aware of the inner voice, you can choose to take control.

PART B

1. Really focus on the inner critical voice, remembering a time when it was active and really giving you some stick. Identify how it sounds – what it is saying and where around you, you hear it. It might be in front of you, or behind you, or above your head.

2. Imagine pushing that part of you away; usually about a foot in front of you will do.

3. Then, imagine that you have a volume switch, and experiment with the volume.

4. Turn it up really loud so that the voice is shouting at you; for some people the unpleasant feeling that goes with this inner critic gets worse, for some it is not as bad as it is so obvious and harder to accept.

5. Then turn it down so that it is really quiet, almost to a whisper; for some this is much better and for others it is much worse as the sounds becomes insidious and difficult to escape from.

6. Then push the voice way off into the distance so that it can hardly be heard; this distance can be very helpful.

7. The next stage is very important. Saying bad things to yourself that make you feel bad is a bit of a silly thing to do – again there is no blame here, people just do what appears to be normal from what they see around them; however, with this now in the open there is only one way that makes sense and that is to choose the most ridiculous voice that you can think of – it could be a cartoon character like Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck. Homer Simpson seems to be a popular choice, or anyone that seems ridiculous – do not pick someone that you do not like or it will make it worse – just choose someone or something that you cannot take seriously and change the inner critic’s voice to the ridiculous voice.

8. Then bring that part of you back and listen to it give you a hard time in the silly style of your choice.

9. You will find that it is very hard to take it seriously after this, and in the future any time that you become aware that you have slipped back into the old way, all you have to do is stop it, interrupt your flow, and take control, changing the voice in any of these ways that help you most. It is a bit like having a bully bother you; once you acknowledge that you are no longer afraid of them or willing to take their nonsense, they leave you alone.

The best bit of this exercise is that once you have turned off the inner critic there is usually a supportive, loving, and encouraging part of you hidden in the background trying to be heard. This is the part that pushes you forward even when you are terrified and keeps you from missing out on life and the things that are important to you. Once you have shut off the critic, you can hear what really needs to be said.

PART C

1. Once the inner critic is silenced, pay attention to what you can hear instead.

2. Write out the new positive statements and use them as personal mantras that you repeat to yourself each day.

3. Allow this to become the new inner program that you listen to.

4. For example: I AM WORTHY OF HAVING GREAT LOVE AND JOY IN MY LIFE; I DESERVE ALL GOOD THINGS; I AM LOVING, LOVEABLE, AND I AM LOVED.

5. These mantras can be written on cards and put in places where they will be seen – like a purse or a wallet, or on a bathroom mirror – as regular repetition of them will help them to sink deep down into the subconscious where they will become the new “belief” program behind the scenes.

6. Be aware that for these mantras to be fully effective you must take yourself into a good-feeling place first. If you are feeling low and depressed and feel that the world is a terrible place, no amount of repeating “I am amazing” is going to work; to change your state, just remember a time when you did feel great first.

©2013 by Lorraine Flaherty. All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Findhorn Press. www.findhornpress.com.

Article Source

Healing with Past Life Therapy: Transformational Journeys through Time and Space
by Lorraine Flaherty

Click here for more Info and/or to Order this book on Amazon.

About the Author

Lorraine Flaherty is a transformational therapist who uses a process she developed called Inner Freedom Therapy, which incorporates the tools of NLP hypnotherapy, past life therapy, future life progression, life between lives, inner child work and spirit release therapy. She also teaches clinical hypnosis, accelerated learning skills, and communication skills to medical students and midwives at a variety of universities in the United Kingdom, including Oxford and Cambridge.