Change is such a big ambiguous word. There are thousands of titles of books that offer you the opportunity to change. Change your mind. Change your body. Change your relationship. Change your soul.

But is change what we really seek? Think about it. You can change your diet but still not achieve your goals. You can change how you think, but still not have the life you want.

Are You Headed in the Right Direction?

Change means to make or become different. So by doing something different, that will give us the life that we desire? Maybe, but only if the change we make takes us in the direction we want to go.

Let’s say you are from the North and you want to go to Texas. You begin your journey only to realize that you are heading west not south, so you change your direction and then you start to travel east. Have you created a change? Yes, but are you any closer to the dreams you want to have? No!

We need something better than “Change” to work with. Something that more accurately describes what we desire and who we are. The very word “Change” presupposes that who you currently are is not good enough and that you will need to change something to get that which you desire. I have always seen that as a bit of painting yourself in the corner, making it more difficult than needed.

I rather look at this as transformation. Transformation is more about taking what you already have and making improvements where needed. It presupposes that all that you need is within you already and that refinement and growth will get you to your destination.

Now the question becomes, how do I get there?

Why Do We Do What We Do?

For the past twenty-one years, I have been fascinated with Why do we do what we do?  My first interest came in the form of a lifeboat that saved me from the drowning waters of my addiction to cocaine and alcohol. I overdosed and was brought back from the dead. I was depressed and seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist. Then I discovered some self-help audiotapes and by listening to them began to transform my life. In desperation I became a sponge, soaking up any and all knowledge that I could.

I started to realize that my life was a bunch of patterns and within those patterns there are mechanics, principles and laws and that I was not inherently bad or broken, but rather, my mechanics were off. I was running a bunch of old and outdated patterns that did not serve me. I learned that I could change those patterns and unlearn all that did not serve me and learn new patterns that would transform my life. I did just that. I became a sponge, learning more and more about anything that had to do with why we do what we do and how to change those patterns to better, more resourceful patterns.

In 1999, I opened my company, Get Life Coaching, with two coaching clients in the basement of my house. To date I have worked with over fourteen thousand people to transform their emotions, their lives, businesses, bodies, wealth and relationships.

People often underestimate the power of conditioning. They confuse awareness with action. Awareness is the first step of transformation but action is where the rubber meets the road. With action you have knowledge in application.

The Patterns We Learned Can Be Unlearned

The key to success begins with the understanding that everything we think say, feel and do is a pattern and that all patterns are learned. How are they learned?

There are two major ways that a pattern is learned. One is that we do it over and over again. Repetition. It is like building a muscle. You go to the gym one time, do some curls and a bench press. You feel some soreness in your muscles but you never go back. How much muscle have you built? Not much unless you go back to the gym over and over again. Repetition is the genesis of greatness. Without repetition learning is a long, long road.

The second key is that which gets reinforced will grow and become stronger. The interesting fact is that reinforcement can work for us or against us. Let me explain. A child gets great grades and the parents make a huge fuss over it. They praise the child, give him all significance and love the child desires. Do you think the next time the child has a test the child will work as hard or even harder to achieve the good praise? Yes, most of the time, especially if the praise is consistent.

Let’s say that same child brings home the good grades, but the parents are too wrapped up in life and the child gets barely a smile. The child feels ignored and that happens over and over. Do you think eventually that child will feel unnoticed? Unrecognized? Perhaps not enough? Yes, and then one day, the child brings home a bad grade and the parents are upset. They make a big fuss about the bad grade. They yell and talk to the child over and over about this situation.

What happens in the child’s mind? Well, they wanted love and positive attention, but unlike the first example, this child does not get positive reinforcement, so will settle for negative attention, which is better than no attention. Whatever gets reinforced, positively or negatively, will happen again and again, whether it feels good or not. We must learn to use this as a tool of mastery, not a tool of disempowerment.

Learning a new habit or pattern is usually awkward, uncomfortable, frustrating, or challenging. This is not because there is something wrong but rather because there is something right that is happening.

The Four Levels of Identity Conditioning

There are four levels to conditioning to your identity. The first is Unconscious Incompetence. That means you don’t know what you don’t know.

Second is Conscious Incompetence, which is where you now know what you don’t know. It is a humbling experience, but a natural process. Awareness is what we must have in order to transform.

The third level is Conscious Competence. We can now do the task, but it takes a large amount focus. This is the awkward stage. It seems artificial and unnatural. Many people stop here and that is the biggest shame because this is the moment before your biggest breakthrough yet. If you keep on pushing, keep on focusing on what you want not what you don’t want, you will arrive at level four

Level four is Unconscious Competence. This is where you do it because it is who you are; it has been conditioned to your identity. Congrats, you have made it!

Remember this key – let it be easy. No need to make it harder on yourself then need be. Enjoy the journey, the hills and valleys and above all honor you by becoming the best you that you can be.

Article Source:

In10tions: A Mindset Reset Guide to Happiness
by Melissa Escaro.

Click here for more info and/or to order this book.

About the Author of this excerpt

Joe White, who wrote the Foreword for the book In10tions, is an author, speaker, international trainer, and life coach dedicated to helping individuals, business leaders and couples. Following years of “real life” experience, Joe founded Get Life Coaching in 1999. His perseverance to survive a near-death overdose , beat drug addiction, and a lifetime of personal struggles have given him the skills and energy to help thousands of people change their lives for the better.  Joe has personally coached thousands of individuals and led seminars for thousands including employees of Fortune 500 companies and top local businesses. He also conducts life coaching certification courses and has trained therapists and counselors in his coaching techniques. His first book, Put Me In Coach, I’m Ready To Live (Redefining Life Coaching Strategies For Rapid and Lasting Change) is available via online retailers, and Joe is currently writing his second book.

About the Author of the Book

Melissa Escaro is a writer and life coach who teaches individuals mind and body connection and personal development skills. Melissa attended the University of Delaware obtaining her Bachelors degree in Psychology and then Widener University, obtaining her Masters in Clinical Social Work. Her experiences expanded to include mind and body connection through yoga, massage therapy, reiki, meditation, and life coaching, focusing on Neuro Linguistic Programming and Ericksonian Hypnotic Language. Melissa's integration of modalities, with her positive outlook, allow her to connect with individuals on many different levels, helping them to make their own connection with their mind and body. For free meditations and updates visit Melissa's website www.in10tionsbook.com. To read Melissa's Huffington Post blogs visit huffingtonpost.com/melissa-e-kirk/