20 Behaviors to Nurture a Relationship and 20 To Ruin One

: By Helene Parker, Ph.D. with Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.

Thanks for visiting InnerSelf.com, where there are 20,000+ life-altering articles promoting "New Attitudes and New Possibilities." All articles are translated into 30+ languages. Subscribe to InnerSelf Magazine, published weekly, and Marie T Russell's Daily Inspiration. InnerSelf Magazine has been published since 1985.

break

Discover the twenty behaviors that ruin a relationship -- as well as the twenty behaviors that will nurture a relationship.

Twenty Behaviors That Nurture Relationships

1. Tell your partner what you want.

2. Take responsibility for meeting your own needs and wants.

3. Allow your partner to be responsible for meeting his or her own needs and wants.

4. Attack the issue, not the person.

5. Take responsibility for making or negotiating necessary changes.

6. Ask questions to be certain you understood what your partner has said.

7. Stay calm.

8. Express anger respectfully.

9. Avoid abuse; consider counseling if abuse is pervasive within the relationship.

10. Respect your partner's individuality.

11. Use active listening skills.

12. Allow your partner to complete his or her thought before replying.

13. Choose a private time to communicate and negotiate.

14. Show your respect for yourself and your partner by taking care of your hygiene.

15. Confront and resolve your problems at the source.

16. Teach your partner, from the beginning of the relationship, about your limits and expectations.

17. Tell your partner what you want, and negotiate solutions.

18. Be honest and keep your promises.

19. Discuss your wants with your partner.

20. Support and encourage your partner to state and negotiate his or her own needs and wants.

Twenty Behaviors That Ruin Relationships

1. Tell your partner what to do.

2. Act like your partner's child.

3. Act as if you were your partner's parent.

4. Attack the partner rather than the issue.

5. Blame your partner.

6. Reply before you understand what was said.

7. Be hysterical.

8. Be hostile.

9. Use demeaning words and abusive behavior.

10. Treat your partner as a possession.

11. Avoid eye contact while your partner is talking.

12. Interrupt frequently while your partner is talking.

13. Criticize your partner, especially in public.

14. Ignore your own personal hygiene.

15. Take your stress out on your partner.

16. Don't tell your partner about your boundaries.

17. Expect your partner to read your mind.

18. Lie, deceive, and break promises to your partner.

19. Have an affair.

20. Discourage your partner from having any hobbies, outside interests, or friends.

This article is excerpted from:

If This Is Love, Why Am I So Lonely?
by Helene C. Parker with Doreen L. Virtue.

Reprinted with permission of the publisher, ©1996, Fairview Press. www.FairviewPress.org

Info/Order this book.

About the Author

Helene C Parker, Ph.D.,is a well-known psychotherapist who specializes in relationship therapy. She has treated many individuals and couples in premarital, pre-divorce, and post-divorce therapy. She has received many awards for her work, including a tribute from the state of California for her counseling work with female prisoners who have committed crimes of passion. A warm, dynamic, professional speaker, Dr. Parker often receives standing ovations from her audiences.