True value is not on what you own, but on who you are. Dying people know this. Their belongings are of no consequence whatsoever at the end. What other people think of them, or what they have achieved in belongings, does not even enter their thinking at such a time.

In the end, what matters to people is how much happiness they have brought to those they love and how much time they spent doing things they themselves loved. Trying to ensure that those they left behind don't end up with the same regrets also became critical for many people. What most occupies the thoughts of dying people are how they lived their lives, what they did, and if they had made a positive difference to those they left behind, whether that was family, community, or whomever.

The things you often think you need are sometimes the things that keep you trapped in an unfulfilled life. Simplicity is the key to changing this, that and letting go of the need for validation through ownership or through others' expectations of you. The clock ticks for every one of us. It is your own choice how you spend your remaining days.

Missing Potential Happiness by Focusing Too Much on Results

As Cath contemplated her final time, she spoke of missing a lot of potential happiness by focusing too much on the results, rather than on the time along the way as well. It is so easy to think that happiness depends on something falling into place, when it is the other way around. Things fall into place when happiness is already found.

While it may not be possible to be happy every day, learning to steer the mind towards that direction is still possible. The mind may cause great suffering. But it can also be used to create a beautiful life, once mastered and used properly. Every single of us has reasons to feel sorry for ourselves. Every one of us has suffered. But life doesn't owe us anything. We only owe ourselves, to make the most of the life we are living, of the time we have left, and to live in gratitude.

The same view you look at every day, the same life, can become something brand new by focusing on its gifts rather than the negative aspects. Perspective is your own choice, and the best way to shift that perspective is through gratitude, by acknowledging and appreciating the positives.

Finding Peace at Last

Despite the many regrets dying people shared with me, in the very end, each of them found their peace. Some were not able to forgive themselves until their last couple of days but they did manage it before they passed. Many experienced a variety of emotions leading up to this, including denial, fear, anger, remorse, and the worst, self-condemnation. Many also experienced positive feelings of love and immense joy for memories that surfaced as they lived through their final weeks.

Before the very end, though, they found a peaceful acceptance that their time had come and they were able to forgive themselves for the regrets they expressed, regardless of how tormented they had been.

The peace each of these dear people found before their passing is available now, without having to wait until your final hours. You have the choice to change your life, to be courageous and to live a life true to your heart, one that will see you pass without regret.

Starting with Kindness and Forgiveness

Kindness and forgiveness are a great starting point. Not just to others, but to yourself as well. Forgiving yourself is also such a necessary component for this process. Without it, you continue to add fertilizer to the existing bad seeds in your mind by being hard on yourself, as I once did.

The bravery needed to change your life is easier to find when you are kind on yourself. Good things take time, too, so patience is also required. Every single one of us is an amazing person with a potential limited only by our own thinking.

We are all amazing. When you think of the numerous environmental and genetic influences that have shaped you, including the genes that have come to you through your own unique biology, it makes you a pretty amazing and special person. All of your life experiences so far, both good and bad, also contribute to you being unlike any other person on this planet. You are already special. You are already unique.

It is time to realize your own worth and to realize the worth of others. Lay your judgments down. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others. As no one has ever truly walked in another's shoes, seen through another's eyes, or felt through another's heart for their whole life, no one knows just how much each other has suffered either. A little bit of empathy goes a long way.

Throwing Judgment Out The Window

By being kind to others and tossing your judgment out the window, you are also being kind to yourself by planting better seeds. Forgive yourself for blaming others for your unhappiness. Learn to be gentle on yourself, accepting your own humanness and frailty. Forgive others, too, who have blamed you for their unhappiness. We are all human. We have all said and done things that could have been otherwise done in a kinder way.

Life is over so quickly. It is possible to reach the end with no regrets. It takes some bravery to live it right, to honour the life you are here to live but the choice is yours. So will be the rewards. Appreciate the time you have left by valuing all of the gifts in your life, and that especially includes your own, amazing self.

©2011, 2012 by Bronnie Ware. All Rights Reserved,
Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Hay House Inc. www.hayhouse.com

This article was adapted with permission from the book:

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware.

After too many years of unfulfilling work, Bronnie Ware began searching for a job with heart. Despite having no formal qualifications or experience, she found herself working in palliative care. Over the years she spent tending to the needs of those who were dying, Bronnie's life was transformed. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying is a story told through sharing her inspiring and honest journey, which will leave you feeling kinder towards yourself and others, and more determined to live the life you are truly here to live. This delightful memoir is a courageous, life-changing book.

Click here for more info or to order this book.

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