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Have you ever found yourself wanting to 'fix' people? You know... when you can clearly see everything that's wrong with them and want to reorganize them and their life? 

It seems so easy for us to look at someone else and see everything that they need to do to improve themselves. It seems so easy to 'fix' someone else... to see everything they could change in their personality, relationships, attitudes, patterns, and lives in general.

When you find yourself doing that, you can be sure that if you turned that projection around and applied it to yourself you would discover many truths and have some astonishing revelations. 

For example, the other day I found myself in various situations in which the old 'beast' of judgment reared its ugly head. Seemed like I would do so much better in their situation... Yet when I applied the technique of taking whatever I was criticizing in someone else and applying it to myself, I discovered some amazing things... I also was 'guilty' of those same things I was judging in others.

If you desire to see where you need to do some clearing, try this... The next time you find yourself blaming, judging, or criticizing someone, ask yourself: "How do I exhibit this behavior also? How does this apply to my actions and thoughts?" I would be willing to bet that if you are honest with yourself you'll discover some amazing truths... or rather I should say, some amazing illusions.

Someone dropped in the other day who was exhibiting strong behavior of blame and other such energies. So I knew that if this was coming out in my presence, then obviously I needed to look within myself to see how I was harboring thoughts of blame. And sure enough, those thoughts were there...

If people around you are acting out anger, look within yourself and find out what you are angry about. If you find yourself in conversations where the 'other' is judging and criticizing, ask yourself how you are being judgmental and critical. It could be behavior that you are directing towards others or towards yourself. Have you been judging yourself? Have you been finding yourself wanting in certain areas? 

Remember that the 'other' is always a reflection of you. So rather than expend energy trying to 'fix' the other, use that energy where it can really make a difference... 'fix' yourself. Look at yourself and see what needs clearing.

A saying that I really like from Peace Pilgrim is "If the thoughts you are thinking have not brought you peace, keep trying..." 

Many times our past behavior has tended towards judging and blaming, when those energies definitely do not bring peace. How do you feel when you are in the middle of those energies? Definitely not peaceful and loving, right? 

Not only is judging and blaming harmful to yourself, to your inner peace and joy, but it is futile... unless you turn it around and apply it to yourself! When you use it as a learning tool, then you can really make a difference -- in yourself.

The next time you find yourself judging or blaming someone else, remember to ask your Higher Self to show you how you are really judging and blaming yourself. And please forgive yourself for all of these old patterns. This was simply learned behavior, and it can be replaced with a more useful and loving energy.

When you find yourself in any situation that seems to call up unloving responses in you, remember that you have a choice. You can make yourself miserable by staying in the judgment and blame, or you can release the other person to Spirit. Everyone has the right to make their own 'mistakes' and to learn in the way they choose. Rather than place your focus on them, place it on yourself. Everything that comes to you is an opportunity for love and healing. Everything is there to help us regain our inner peace and innate state of love and harmony.

Make it a daily practice. Look around you (and within you) and see what situations have been bringing up thoughts unlike Love. Then use those situations as mirrors. Look at them and see... This is especially powerful in those situations where we find ourselves reacting strongly to someone or to a situation. If it's pushing your buttons, then you can be sure there is something you need to look at. As a wise friend of mine said, "If you didn't have any buttons, I wouldn't be able to push them!" So the next time someone pushes your button, get rid of the button... instead of blaming the button pusher.

Recommended book:

Love Is Letting Go of Fear (25th anniversary edition)
by Gerald G. Jampolsky.

In the more than 25 years since it was first published, LOVE IS LETTING GO OF FEAR continues to change lives with its frank, thought-provoking, and powerful response to overcoming life's greatest challenges.

Info/Order this book.

About The Author

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.

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