InnerSelf.com

Controlling Anger

by Stuart Wilde

Q: How can I control anger? I meditate often and am generally a peaceful person, but sometimes anger rises and I become overwhelmed by it.

A: Just don't be angry. You might say, "Well, that's easy enough to say, Stuart; I'm really pissed off." Don't be. What is anger? It's only a game. Something has come along and contradicted your ego -- that's all that has happened. Anger comes from loss. To generate the emotion of anger, you will have to have lost something. There is no other way for anger to rise. Perhaps you've lost your importance, security, wallet, romance, job?

When you are really pissed off, take a moment to figure out what you have lost. Sure enough, it will be there. Loss of prestige, loss of rhythm, loss of a promise, loss of a dream -- loss of many things that you probably didn't need anyway. Once you notice what you've lost, the next move for a spiritual person is to absolutely, categorically agree to lose it. Rather than taking the loss personally, engaging the ego, and talking about justice and rights, just shrug and acknowledge what has happened. When you don't resist, you are free.

There are certain circumstances where you might feel you should chase after what you have lost, but 99 percent of the time it is incredibly futile. When you lose things, it's only the God force being kind to you. It's liberating you from stuff you honestly don't need. Think how many times you've been in a relationship in which the person left and you went absolutely crazy. You couldn't breathe, you couldn't eat, life wasn't worth living. A week later, it felt different. Three months later somebody says, "What happened to whatshisname?" and you say, "Who?"

The other thing to remember about anger is that much of it comes from your early childhood. The dysfunctions, abuse, abandonment, and mistreatment that we suffer in our early years stays with us. The only real way to become a complete person is to look at the pain and the suffering, and release that anger. Sometimes it's useful to bang cushions or to talk to a therapist, but you can never be completely free of anger unless you go back to those things that are very deeply programmed inside of you -- the things that caused you hurt, pain, guilt, and resentment in your early years.

This article is excerpted from:

Simply Wilde
by Stuart Wilde and Leon Nacson.

Excerpted with permission from the book "Simply Wilde" by Stuart Wilde with Leon Nacson, published by Hay House (www.hayhouse.com)

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About The Author

Author and lecturer Stuart Wilde is one of the real characters of the self-help, human potential movement. His style is humorous, controversial, poignant, and transformational. He has written numerous books, including those that make up the very successful Taos Quintet, which are considered classics in their genre. They are: Affirmations, The Force, Miracles, The Quickening, and The Trick to Money Is Having Some. Stuart's books have been translated into 12 languages. 

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