When I discovered that my illness was a cancer that needed to be powerfully and quickly released through surgery and chemotherapy, I became quite depressed. I could not accept this creation and did not understand in what way I was not living in selfLove. I struggled to find the perfection in needing to undergo this entire experience, seeking within my heart the lesson I needed to learn.
I couldn't blame the circumstances of my illness on my environment, for I ate well and cared for my body. I chose not to blame my illness on those outside of me, because I recognized my responsibility for my own creations. I struggled to see the perfection of the moment, while filled with fear, grief and shame. But as I continued to work through the experience, I began to reflect on my own lack of selfLove by listening to my words and watching my choices more carefully. With purposeful choices and the loving but honest assistance of friends and family, I awakened to my own lack of selfLove and began to choose differently in my life.
The perfection of this experience is simply that the illness allowed me to recognize that I was not living in selfLove. As I made choices to love mySelf in all moments through thoughts, words, and actions, the healing became profound.
Accepting Responsibility for Our Own Actions
Today, people are bringing lawsuits against the tobacco industry, blaming tobacco companies for creating their illnesses, even though they personally made the choice to smoke cigarettes. Although it is perhaps true that when they began to smoke years ago, some people didn't know that it would be addictive or life-threatening, the fact is that this truth has been publicly known for many decades.
Many people have taken the more challenging road of stopping smoking, battling their nicotine addiction, and suffering the side effects. In each instance, this act was made in powerful selfLove, allowing the physical body to resume its natural healing path.
Those who choose to continue to smoke and blame the ill effects on others or the industry are not accepting responsibility for their own actions. Why do some people choose differently from others? Why are some people more successful than others in quitting this addiction? It all comes down to how each person chooses to experience life.
Accepting the perfection of your experience of illness is the first step towards recognizing that the disease is perfect, as a manifestation of how you are loving yourSelf. Only then can one move into the next phases of healing. And it is more than simply speaking the words; it is taking the steps necessary to create the energy behind this acceptance.
A Powerful Step Towards Total Healing
Understanding the perfection of each experience is the most powerful step towards total healing. Many clients claim, when asked, that they do, indeed, love themSelves. I then ask them, as limitless Beings, what the illness is trying to tell them about how they are limiting themselves... how they are loving themselves?
So what exactly is selfLove? It is the celebration of Self in all moments. SelfLove is an experience of Being, in which you recognize the perfection of who you are. It is the acknowledgment of your magnificence. It is the acceptance of Self and all others without judgment. It is the acceptance of the experience of choices made in pain or fear as being equal to those made in love and joy, for, in each moment, we create as God and experience that which we bring forth without judgment of greater or lesser, better or worse.
When illness is created, it is an experience we bring forth in order to allow us to choose differently and change our lives. All experiences are of love. We create illness, not because we do not love ourSelves, but because of how we do -- with neglect, disappointment, judgment and self-hate. Illness is a manifestation of how we love ourSelves, a reminder that we need to explore selfLove more fully, and an opportunity to choose how to change our lives, so that we may experience peace in our hearts.
Once we release the limitation of our own love, the illness has no reason to continue to be our teacher. Our bodies have no desire to create disharmony in our lives; the disharmony is simply the body's way of getting our attention. Once we recognize symptoms of disharmony, we can get to the root of the creation by recognizing where we lost sight of our magnificent state of Being.
Illness is an opportunity for each of us to learn great lessons... and this process can always enhance our experience of selfLove.
Being Willing To Let Go
Stephanie was the victim of much abuse as a child, in all aspects of Being. She endured sexual abuse, as well as psychological and physical abuse. Having gone through many years of therapy, Stephanie was now embracing spirituality as a means of finding peace in her heart. She shared with many friends the great spiritual lessons she had learned, but, interestingly, never fully embraced these lessons herSelf. Asked if she loved herSelf, she was honest in admitting that she did not. She reflected upon her childhood, allowing her memories of being told that she was unlovable to be carried forward into adulthood.
Stephanie had difficulty taking responsibility for present-day choices, using her childhood experiences as excuses for many of her actions. She hoarded every piece of paper that crossed her path, creating havoc in her small apartment. She was unable to let anything go, saying that this was because, as a child, she had always needed to prove her actions to her parents. By holding on to all those scraps of paper, she always had proof with which she could defend herSelf. Yet, in conversation, Stephanie demonstrated great understanding of her creation and self-limitation.
By holding onto the beliefs of her youth, Stephanie felt unlovable. Although she knew that she chose the experiences of her childhood, even understanding that these experiences had been created to teach her great lessons, Stephanie was unwilling to recognize her magnificence. She had difficulty receiving gifts, but was free in offering gifts to others. She felt unworthy, telling me that she recognized her responsibility to make changes in her personal world, but was unwilling to take that step toward healing.
For Stephanie, the healing process was more difficult than necessary, because she was challenged by her fear of letting go of her pain. However, over time, she has improved greatly. Someday, she may choose to release, through choice, the blocks created long ago. She will embrace the lessons she so lovingly shares with others and will recognize her power to create the magnificence of her future.
Choosing To Love YourSelf
Another client, Maggie, had no physical ailments but called me to discuss matters of the heart. She was lonely and alone and wanted to know why she was unsuccessful in her personal relationships with men. She wanted nothing more than a healthy relationship that could lead to marriage and a family, and yet she was energetically creating the exact opposite in her life.
I explained to Maggie that she first had to choose to love herSelf in order to create the energy that would enable her to share love with others. This perception was frustrating to Maggie, because she perceived herSelf as a loving person and one who loved herSelf deeply. After all, did she not do everything she wanted to do and buy herSelf everything she wanted to have and go to all the places she wanted to visit?
When I challenged her on this definition of selfLove, Maggie had difficulty acknowledging this truth about herSelf. I told her that, when she would be in joy with who she was -- alone but not lonely -- then things would change in her life.
Accepting YourSelf and Life As Perfect
Maggie had difficulty accepting herSelf and her life as perfect. She was always looking over her shoulder at the joy she perceived in others and, rather than celebrating that joy, going into a state of envy. Maggie was always thinking, "Why them and not me?" which eliminated her understanding of the power of her own creations.
She never fully released her childhood issues. Having been raised in an overprotective household, she chose to free herSelf from her family by separating herSelf emotionally from them. It was this choice that separated Maggie emotionally from all people, and this is what kept her from establishing close relationships in her adult life.
When we accept Self as perfect, we open our hearts to the opportunity of understanding who we are in all moments. We also understand that, if we are perfect, then All are perfect. No one is greater or lesser than another; no experience is judged "good" or "bad." It simply is. And by letting it be what it is, we can look at it from a neutral vantage point. Neutrality enables us to accept the choice that brought us to that experience, thus allowing us to recognize what we can change in order to bring forth a different experience.
Illness is an experience of Being. If you do not want to experience your illness, accept the perfection of it and make the necessary changes that will allow you to learn through choices which come from selfLove.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Healing Arts Publishing. ©2003.
Healing Through Love
by Marilyn Innerfeld.
Healing Through Love teaches that through selfLove, a body can fully heal. Share the author's journey of her own healing, and learn the tools that lead to empowerment, healing and ultimately, the importance of loving all that you are.
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About the Author
Marilyn Innerfeld is co-founder of The Worldwide Center located in Evergreen, Colorado. She is a medical intuitive, a certified hypnotherapist, and a long-time member of the International Association of Counselors and Therapists. Marilyn has studied nutritional therapies as well as Chinese medicine. Marilyn has healed from cancer and uses her personal experience to assist her in her work.
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The Self-Love Experiment: Fifteen Principles for Becoming More Kind, Compassionate, and Accepting of Yourself
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