What you are experiencing in this very moment is the
culmination of everything you have agreed to believe.

In order to change any of the beliefs that are holding you back from creating the life you want, it’s important to understand how they were formed and what got you to this point. For many years behavioral scientists have studied human infants to determine what their experience is and how they develop.

Just looking at a baby you can see that their eyes act like the lens of a video camera. They seem to gravitate towards what gives them pleasure and move away from what is confusing or doesn’t feel good.

Babies and toddlers are little human beings without language. How things feel is a big part of how they perceive and process their surroundings. Unlike adults, who use words to describe what they feel, babies don’t have language to interpret the emotion, yet their emotional awareness carries terabytes of information about the essence of what is happening moment to moment.

A friend of mine was in the process of deciding whether she and her husband would get a divorce. They were still living together, but emotionally they had already separated. They had a two-year-old son who was walking but had not yet begun to speak. Her son would make them sit down on the couch and insist they hold hands. Although he didn’t have the ability to understand the words they were speaking, he could sense exactly what was going on between them. It didn’t feel good, so he took action to make it different.

Noticing the Essence of Things Guided by the Truth of Emotions

Little children have the capacity to perceive what is without a lot of distortion, unlike the adults who interpret everything through their experiences. Little children notice the essence of things guided by the truth of their emotions. Emotions never lie. They advise impeccably based on how it feels.

These little humans are free to be who they are. Sometimes they hurt and sometimes they are afraid, but they live in the present moment with a great capacity to enjoy life—to play, to be endlessly curious, and to love.

Learning the Code in Order to Communicate Successfully

In order to successfully communicate, children need to learn the code. They need to learn language—an agreement about what the sounds mean. Once the code is understood, information can be given.

By capturing our attention and teaching us the code, the adults in our lives pass on to us their personal view of the world. They teach us what everything is. They tell us their opinions about everybody and what they think of themselves. They tell us what we are, and maybe more importantly, what we are not.

It’s like downloading a program onto a computer. Unfortunately, if it is a view of the world infected with irrational fears, it acts like a virus in the program, eventually creating beliefs anchored in the very same fears.

One of my clients told me a story about his fear of heights. For as long as he could remember, he had been afraid of ledges, cliffs, and stairs to high places. In working toward his belief about this, he remembered that as a kid his mother had shrieked at him when he got too close to the edge of a ravine, stood on a wall, or tried to climb a tree. “David!” she would yell. “Be careful! Look out!” His fear was her fear of heights, and she had infected him with it.

Agreeing with Others' Point of View

Each concept the adults tell us about, each opinion they share is the way they reveal their perception of the world altered by their own unique filter of beliefs. Over time and through repetition these impressions become alive in your mind, but only when you agree to whatever idea, point of view, or opinion is presented.

All genuine communication is by agreement. If you and I were to cook a meal together, for example, we would need to have a basic agreement about the function and name for things in a kitchen.

As a child, you had very little choice. Your name, the language you speak, where you lived, and where you went to school were all choices you had no say in. Maybe the adults that raised you even decided what you were supposed to believe, but in order for any of their opinions, points of view, or beliefs to begin to take hold, you still had to agree.

From "I Am OK" to "I Am Not OK"

To illustrate this, imagine a small boy playing in his parents’ house. His mother has left him alone while she is working in another part of the house. He finds some big colorful markers and starts drawing on the wall. He’s totally absorbed in what he is doing and having a great time. He has a big grin on his face. Drawing pictures on the wall is pure pleasure for him.

Suddenly his mother comes back into the room. She sees him, comes up behind him, and smacks him on the bottom, yelling, “I don’t have time for this! You make me so mad! You’re ruining my life! If it weren’t for you I could have a life!” Her anger shakes him out of his child-dream. His attention is now hooked by her rage. His emotion is overwhelming, yet absolutely authentic. It hurts because what he is experiencing is not a mother’s unconditional love but the gale force of her fear.

Suppose in his own way the little boy agrees with what she has said. Maybe he thinks, “She doesn’t want me anymore because I’m ruining her life.” As a reaction to the emotion he felt and his new agreement, he makes a decision about what happened and that becomes his story. Maybe he is convinced that being high-spirited and creative is not okay. Perhaps he decides he will run away and then she will be better off, or that he’s responsible for her anger and if he wants her to love him again, he has to be different.

As the years go by the pattern continues. His mom is constantly overwhelmed, routinely reacting in frustration to what is normal when you have children around the house. He never knows what to expect. She slams doors, yells, and even breaks things when he doesn’t act the way she wants him to. He feels trapped with nowhere to go. Each time it happens he feels a similar emotion and makes more and more decisions. I won’t do what you tell me to. If you don’t like me, then I don’t like you. I can’t wait to get out of here.

Reinforcing and Repeating the Beliefs and Patterns

A belief grows stronger through reinforcement and repetition. Incidents repeated over and over again in many different forms all carrying the same general message become very strong beliefs. Once they take hold, they have a life of their own.

Although they start out as the result of someone else’s opinion, we interpret what we experience in our own way and make up a story to support our interpretation. It becomes the story of our life. It’s a story based on what we have agreed to believe about everything that has happened to us.

The stories we make up to support our interpretation of what happened, have a distinct emotional point of view. And, the story corrupts what we remember. Now when something happens that is in any way similar to what is in our memory, the belief beneath it rises to the surface, appearing first as a familiar emotion.

Triggers Cause an Automatic Response

Imagine the little boy is now a young man. He has a job and he tries his best to make a good impression. He works hard and wants everyone to notice he is doing a good job.

One afternoon at work, his boss comes in suddenly and catches him joking around with some of his friends. She tells them they need to get back to work or they are all going to be in trouble. She says something sarcastic and leaves quickly, slamming the door. The whole scene upsets him. There is a familiar emotional surge. His mind starts racing. It’s not fair. We weren’t doing anything wrong. Who does she think she is? I’ll start looking for another job tomorrow.

Something deep and invisible has been touched. His strategy to be accepted, the mask he shows everyone at work, is penetrated. The belief that he is not wanted and the memory of an unpredictable parent come alive and are now in full control of his attention. The belief is expressing itself through how he interprets the situation, his emotions, and the conversation he is having in his mind defending his point of view.

When "I Can" Becomes "I Can Not"

As little children, we live in a world full of wonderment, possibility, and imagination. Because we have our integrity intact, we believe I Am and I Can. We believe things like: I am wanted, the world is beautiful, I am loved, I can do anything I choose . . . and so on. Often the grown-ups introduce an entirely different outlook. An outlook based in fear.

The adults are stronger, bigger, and have the power.

Assaulted by an outlook strangled with unreasonable fears, beyond good parenting and sound discipline, we know something is terribly wrong. We rebel. We say “No!” Eventually those in charge wear us down. They teach us self-judgment, the primary tool of domestication. Our little village has been under siege for days, months, maybe even years.

At some point we capitulate, overpowered and outmaneuvered. Defeated, we come out of the gates waving the white flag and declare, “I surrender. I give up. I agree.” I Can becomes I Can Not. I AM becomes I Am Not.

Moving from the Present Moment to the World of Intellect and Reason?

In our march towards physical maturity, we lose the ability to notice the essence of the present moment and become dominated by the intellect and reason. Over time each opinion, each idea, each belief makes an impression but only if we agree.

If the adults in charge domesticate us under the boot of their fear, we will recycle many of their views even if we outwardly reject them. At a certain point we become overpowered by a runaway mind and frequent emotional reactions. At this juncture, our beliefs are in complete control of our attention.

Of course, not every belief created on the path to now is limiting, nor is every limiting belief a barrier to achievement. Many wonderful and positive things happen that can support us later in creating a life we love. Everyone has memories of joyful encounters, wise teachings, and gifts of compassion that helped them bloom.

Identifying the core beliefs that enhance your life is important, yet to exact real and lasting change it is necessary to recognize any belief that is keeping you from realizing the happiness and success you want. By focusing your attention for a second time, with awareness, you can create a whole new dream of life—an extraordinary life—this time carefully choosing what you want to believe.

Subtitles by InnerSelf

This excerpt was reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Hampton Roads Publishing. ©2003, 2014. www.redwheelweiser.com

Article Source:

The Toltec Secret to Happiness: Create Lasting Change with the Power of Belief
by Ray Dodd. (Previously published as "The Power of Belief")

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About the Author

Ray Dodd is a leading authority on belief, helping both individuals and businesses forge new beliefs to affect lasting and positive change. A former professional musician and engineer with many years in corporate management, Dodd leads seminars, applying ageless wisdom of the Toltec to life and business.