Wayne Dyer pointed out that when you squeeze an orange you get orange juice. You get orange juice because the orange juice was in the orange. It makes no difference who does the squeezing, or what they use to squeeze the orange. Orange juice comes out because there was orange juice in the orange.
Likewise when (my interpretation of) another’s words or actions trigger feelings of insecurity or fear or anger in me, it is only because those feelings were already in me. What comes out when you are squeezed is never the fault of the squeezer. It is only the explicit expression of what was already implicit within your mind.
I Could Feel Peace Instead of This
What in your life do you feel upset about now? Who or what do you hold responsible for any negative feelings that you are experiencing now? Remind yourself that the upsetness was already in you before you were “squeezed.” Release the other person from the mistaken thought that they caused your upsetness. How do you feel now?
In conjunction with this practice, I would also suggest a very simple exercise from A Course in Miracles. Whenever you are feeling unhappy, remind yourself, “I could feel peace instead of this.”
It's All About Projections, Not About Blame
Whenever you feel upset about something or someone external to you, think of it as some unease in your own mind that is being creatively translated into the experience of someone doing something “to” you. Something internal is being projected in the form of blame. Do not deny the upsetness that you feel. Just don’t add anything — don’t add the thought that it is being caused by something external to your mind.
When you are upset about something that happened in the past, think of it as some unease in your own mind that is being creatively translated into the memory of a past event that somehow wounded or limited you. Again, something internal is being projected in the form of blame. Do not deny the upsetness that you feel. Just don’t add anything — don’t add the thought that it is being caused by something external to your mind now.
When you feel pain or sickness, think of it as some unease in your own mind that is being creatively translated into the form of the experience of physical discomfort being caused by something (i.e., your body) external to your mind. Once again, something internal is being projected in the form of blame. Do not deny the discomfort that you feel. Just don’t add anything— don’t add the thought that it is being caused by a body-thing that is external to your mind.
Deliberately Re-Interpreting Your Experience
This is an exercise in deliberately re-interpreting your experience. The issue here is not whether so-and-so “really” did that thing, nor whether some past event “really” happened, nor whether the medical tests are “really” correct or not. For now, suspend those kinds of questions.
Deliberately think of your experience of “something external making you suffer” as simply the creative projection of some unease within your own mind. Think of it as similar to the way in which some unease in your subconscious mind might express itself as a sleeping dream of victimhood and suffering. The purpose of this whole practice is to help you to realize that externality and blame are thoughts rather than simply given facts.
Remember, however, that this exercise is not about blaming yourself for your experiences of suffering. The purpose of this exercise is rather to discover how your experience changes when you let go of the thought that something external to you is the cause of your upsetness.
Whatever You Do To Another, You Do To Yourself
When you blame another or criticize his mistakes, regardless of whether your blame and criticisms are accurate or not, you are hurting yourself. When you praise or appreciate another, regardless of whether she “deserves” your praise and appreciation or not, you are benefiting yourself.
Consider any person from the previous two exercises that you had blamed for your upsetness. Ask yourself, “What could I appreciate about that person now?” Don’t stop asking until you have at least one good answer — one that you know is good because it brings you a sense of peace and joy.
The next time you find yourself in the midst of blaming or criticizing another, see it as an opportunity to do yourself a favor and shift your awareness to appreciation. Ask yourself, “What could I appreciate about this person?” Again, don’t stop asking until you have at least one good answer.
©2010 by William R. Yoder. Reprinted with permission of the author.
Published byAlight Publications. http://thehappymindbook.com/
Article Source
The Happy Mind: Seven Principles to Clear Your Head and Lift Your Heart
by William R. Yoder.
Click here for more info and/or to order this book.
About the Author
William Yoder has doctorates in both philosophy and chiropractic. He has taught Eastern and Western philosophy and religion at major universities. His studies personal study with the Option Institute, and with such teachers as Ram Dass, Michael Hatncr, Gail Straub and David Gershon, Wallace Black Elk, David Spangler, Brant Secunda, and Thich Nhat Hanh. He and his wife have taught workshops in both the private and the corporate sectors on the topics of health and healing, human potential, self-actualization, and spirituality. Visit his website at http://thehappymindbook.com/
