Should We Scoff At The Idea Of Love At First Sight?

Should We Scoff At The Idea Of Love At First Sight?
For a lecture course I teach at Brown University called “Love Stories,” we begin at the beginning, with love at first sight. To its detractors, love at first sight must be an illusion – the wrong term for what is simply infatuation, or a way to sugarcoat lust. Buy into it, they say, and you’re a fool.

The Winds of Grace Can Sometimes Feel Like A Curse

The Winds of Grace Can Sometimes Feel Like A Curse
It’s been said that whatever brings us to face the essential truth of our lives may be called “grace.” Frequently, grace assumes a form that feels more like a curse than a blessing. It can be a life-threatening illness, the loss of a family member, being fired from a job, the kids leaving home (or coming back), divorce, a serious accident, or any number of possible crises that can be encountered in one’s life.

The Two Important Components of a Successful Relationship

The Two Parts of a Successful Relationship
A successful relationship has two very important components: learning to love yourself first, and then learning to love another person. Too many people ignore the first part, then wonder why it’s so hard to love another. It’s like expecting to water a plant with an empty water pitcher. Or trying to put on your child’s oxygen mask when the airplane cabin pressure drops, but passing out from lack of oxygen before you can get it on.

What Type Of Relationship Should I Have With My Co-parent Now We're Divorced?

What Type Of Relationship Should I Have With My Co-parent Now We're Divorced?
When talking about separation and divorce, media and personal stories often focus on relationships characterised by ongoing conflict or violence. In contrast, Australian research suggests low conflict or cooperative post-separation relationships are common. These are negotiated in contexts that require what British sociologist Carol Smart described as an “indelible” joint-parenting contract.

Children Of Divorce Are Less Likely To Earn College Degrees

Children Of Divorce Are Less Likely To Earn College Degrees
Children of divorce are less likely to earn a four-year or graduate degree, according to a new study. The study is one of the first to look specifically at divorce and graduate education. Susan Stewart, professor of sociology at Iowa State University, says it is important to understand this relationship as more jobs require a graduate or professional degree.

How To Get Children To Eat A Rainbow Of Fruit And Vegetables

How To Get Children To Eat A Rainbow Of Fruit And Vegetables

Worldwide, people are not eating enough fruit and vegetables. In Australia, less than 4% of us meet the Australian Dietary Guideline recommendations for vegetables by age group. Worryingly, children and teenagers are even less likely than adults to be eating enough vegetables.

Less than 1% of kids aged two to three are eating the recommended 2.5 serves of vegetables and legumes a day. Between ages four to eight, 0% of kids are meeting their minimum 4.5 serves of vegetables per day. Most children up to 13 are eating two or fewer serves per day when the aim is closer to five serves.

How To Tell Your Children You're Getting Divorced

How To Tell Your Children You're Getting Divorced

While some kids may be lucky enough to skate through their parents’ separation relatively unscathed, the majority are going to suffer at least some short term, if not longer term distress. As an adult, you’ve likely forgotten just how central your family was to your sense of stability and even identity. Children have yet to develop autonomy, independence or a secure sense of self; instead, their entire frame of reference is strongly centred around their family. When that framework is broken, their world can feel as though it has fallen apart.

How On And Off Relationships Take A Toll On Mental Health

How On And Off Relationships Takes A Toll On Mental Health

A pattern of breaking up and getting back together can be bad for your mental health, according to a new study. While on-and-off-again couples like Sam and Diane from Cheers or Ross and Rachel from Friends may keep audiences watching, Kale Monk, assistant professor of human development and family science at the University of Missouri, suggests people in these kinds of relationships should make informed decisions about stabilizing or safely terminating their relationships.

Sacred Speech and Silence: From the Heart and to the Soul

Sacred Speech and Silence: From the Heart and to the Soul
We spend much of our time talking about trivial matters and practical ones -- the weather, plans for the day, routine office events, frivolous gossip, the next technological miracle, etc. So little of our conversation addresses our passions, loves, emotions, dreams, or our creative insights...

How Stress In Utero Harms Cognitive Skills Of Children

How Stress In Utero Harms Cognitive Skills Of ChildrenExposure to an acute stress in utero can have long-term consequences extending into childhood—but only among children in poor households, according to a new study. The study, which took place in Chile, did not find the same effect among children in upper- or middle-class families.

The Hidden Agenda Of School Dress Codes

The Hidden Agenda Of School Dress Codes

Dress code policies have always been prevalent in schools. Normally, what children can and cannot wear in schools is explicitly noted in school policies or implicitly implied by broader cultural and societal norms. The issue of the vast and sometimes exhaustive list of dress code policies of what cannot be worn has not had any resolution across localities and countries.

6 Things You Should Do When Reading With Your Kids

6 Things You Should Do When Reading With Your Kids

There is magic in stories. We all remember hearing them as children, and we loved them. Imaginary adventures set in faraway places. Tales about how the dishwasher isn’t working. It doesn’t matter! Whether made up by parents or read from books, kids love to hear stories. Our recent work showed reading to children positively impacts long term academic achievement more than many other activity (including playing music with them, or doing craft).

Should You Sometimes Be Bad For Another’s Good?

Should You Sometimes Be Bad For Another’s Good?Imagine that someone you care about is procrastinating in advance of a vital exam. If he fails the test, he will not be able to go to university, an eventuality of major consequence in his life. If positive encouragement doesn’t work, you might reverse strategy, making your friend feel so bad, so worried, so scared, that the only strategy left is that he starts studying like mad.

Are Midlife Sex Problems More Common Than You Think?

Are Midlife Sex Problems Are More Common Than You Think?

The most common sexual problem is low desire, according to a research study we recently published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Around 40 per cent of the women we asked, and 30 per cent of men, reported experiencing problems with low desire during the last six months.

Getting Along With Others: Simple or Complicated?

Getting Along With Others: Simple or Complicated?

Many people have real challenges in their relationships with other people. Are you one of them? One of the largest contributing factors to your ability to freely enjoy other people depends upon how much you enjoy yourself... how much you accept yourself.

What Makes A Good Friend?

What Makes A Good Friend?

Good friendships seem worth celebrating. But for many of us, tensions can appear from time to time between being a good friend and doing “the right thing.”

What Are You Telling Yourself About Who You Are?

What Are You Telling Yourself About Who You Are?
We have all gone through life saying certain things about ourselves, such as: I'm a shy person, or I'm intelligent, or I'm stupid, or I'm clumsy, or I'm slow, etc. Once we understand the power of the word and of the mind, we come to the realization that all of these statements were simply creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

Negative Love: Repeating Parental Behaviors

Negative Love: Repeating Parental Behaviors
One emotion holding many of us back is negative love: our tendency to repeat the behaviors we used to win our parents’ love, and to repeat our parents’ attitudes, behaviors, and treatment of us. Generation after generation pass on the same type of negative love...

How to Grow the Love In Your Relationships

How to Grow the Love In Your Relationships
A relationship is something to appreciate. A relationship allows you to share experiences. It lets you see yourself through someone else's eyes, and if that can be annoying at times, it is also a wonderful opportunity for self-awareness and growth...

How To Know If An Online Discussion Is Going To Get Nasty

How To Know If An Online Discussion Is Going To Get Nasty
Researchers have created a model to predict which civil online conversations might take a turn and derail. After analyzing hundreds of exchanges between Wikipedia editors, the researchers developed a computer program that scans for warning signs in participants’ language at the start of a conversation...

What I Love Most About You...

What I Love Most About You...
How often do you tell the special people in your life exactly what it is that you love most about them? How often do you identify what's good about your spouse, lover, children, sisters, brothers, dad, mother, uncles, aunts, friends, and colleagues -- and actually put it into words so there can be no doubt?

How's Your Inner Garden and Your Inner Rose?

It's Springtime and The Time of Rebirth: How's Your Inner Garden?
Our subconscious is a truly wonderful partner. It finds many ways to communicate with us. The other morning, I found myself humming "Slow down, you're going too fast..." Now, that was a clear message. Have you ever paid attention to the songs that you find yourself humming, or whistling?

Alone Again, Naturally: Mastering the Art of Flying Solo

Alone Again, Naturally: Mastering the Art of Flying Solo
Our fear of aloneness is so ingrained that given the choice of being by ourselves or being with others we opt for safety in numbers, even at the expense of lingering in painful, boring, or totally unredeeming company. While many have their solo lifestyles thrust on them -- people die, people go away -- a huge and growing population is choosing to be alone...

Why Do Kids Lie, And Is It Normal?

Why Do Kids Lie, And Is It Normal?
Children typically begin lying in the preschool years, between two and four years of age. These intentional attempts at deception may worry parents, who fear their child will become a pint-sized social deviant.

Caregiving -- A Gift That Can Heal Relationships

Caregiving --  A Gift That Can Heal Relationships
People have told me many stories of difficult mother-daughter relationships that healed through caregiving. Their stories have given me the gift of healing. Forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, and love grow through empathy for and understanding of the experiences of others...

How Technology Is Changing Sex

How Technology Is Changing SexAs the TV series Westworld wraps up its second season, the show continues to spark discussion about a potential future that involves lifelike sex robots.

How Can We Build A Better World -- One Person at a Time?

How Can We Build A Better World -- One Person at a Time?
We look around at the world's problems and wish they would go away, but they stubbornly persist despite our most heartfelt desires. So we end up living in a kind of ethical haze. It seems that everything and everyone is for sale. Nothing remains sacred.

Why Our Brains See The World As "Us Versus Them"

Why Our Brains See The World As "Us Versus Them"
Anti-immigrant policies, race-related demonstrations, Title IX disputes, affirmative action court cases, same-sex marriage litigation. These issues are continually in the headlines. But even thoughtful articles on these subjects seem always to devolve to pitting warring factions against each other: black versus white, women versus men, gay versus straight.

Removing Abandonment Masks and Ego Projections

Removing Abandonment Masks and Ego Projections
A consciousness of abandonment may begin in early childhood with the death or divorce of a parent, the father taking a job in another town and seldom seeing the child, or perhaps feeling lost in a large family of brothers and sisters and not receiving enough attention. Other factors to consider...

How Long Term Separation From Parents Harms Kids

Why Long Term Separation From Parents Harms Kids
As a society, we often wax eloquent about how important it is to nurture, support and protect our children. The sad reality, however, is that all too often major, life-changing decisions are made without any consideration of their potential lifelong and devastating impact on kids.

100 Practices For Great Relationships

100 Practices For Great Relationships
When my husband Charlie and I conducted our study, Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples about Lasting Love, these are the practices that respondents told us had held them in good stead to grow their exemplary relationships.

Repairing Relationships with the Three Keys to Everlasting Love

Repairing Relationships with the Three Keys to Everlasting Love
Some couples seem blessed with everlasting love. Then, there’s the rest of us—who start running into trouble once the honeymoon is over. We encounter differences, disagreements, disappointments. Buttons get pushed. And communication breaks down as issues become increasingly hard to resolve.

What We Can Learn From The World's Oldest Population

06 03 older population
Japan has long been known for its widespread respect for its seniors and a powerful sense of obligation to care for them. Yet as the demographic structure of society has changed, and the population has progressively aged, the provision of care is increasingly seen as a social (and not exclusively a family) concern.

Finding Your Perfect Partner: Two Key Ingredients

Finding Your Perfect Partner: 2 Key IngredientsSharing your life with a loving partner is very rewarding and meaningful. Since we work with couples, we often ask them how they met. Often they will respond that they met online. Typically, they are somewhat embarrassed when they reveal this, thinking that it should have been a more natural and romantic way of meeting. But...

Bringing Our Understanding of Emotions Out of the Dark Ages

Bringing Our Understanding of Emotions Out of the Dark Ages
Our understanding of the Emotional System today is still in the Dark Ages. This has its analogy to the time when people's understanding of our Solar System was based upon the belief that the Sun revolved around the Earth, as it certainly appeared that way -- however, just the reverse was true. The problem was, as long as we believed the Sun went around the Earth, we were limited as to how far we could go in the Solar System.

To Bond With Your Kids, Turn On Some Music?

To Bond With Your Kids, Turn On Some Music?
Young adults who listen to music with their parents during childhood—and especially during adolescence—report having better relationships with their moms and dads as they enter young adulthood, according to a new study.

Aging In Your Own Home... Does It Take A Village?

Aging In Your Own Home... Does It Take A Village?
Statistics show that the average yearly cost of an assisted living facility ($49,635) or a nursing home ($131,853) makes these options financially prohibitive for many. The viable alternative is to safely age in place. The psychosocial benefits of remaining in their own home, continuing to be socially active in their community, and maintaining established rela­tionships are priceless.

We Tell These Lies When Looking For Love Online

We Tell These Lies When Looking For Love Online
Lying about availability is a common deception online dating users tell potential partners, according to a new paper. “Until now, it has been relatively unclear how often mobile daters use deception in their messages before they meet the other person,” says Markowitz.

Living Love May Be The Sole Purpose For Our Soul's Being

Living Love May Be The Sole Purpose For Our Soul's Being
With all the concerns we have facing our global society, ranging from pollution of all sorts to bloodshed through wars and human rights violations, we must look at the underlying cause for what is happening -- the lack of love. We, as a collective consciousness, are beginning to look more at our inner Selves, and in this action we are finding a heart that has become cold and unfulfilled...

How Same-Sex Couples Divide Housework

How Same-Sex Couples Divide Housework
Housework is often understood as a gendered negotiation based on the traditional roles of homemaker (feminine) and breadwinner (masculine). While gender norms have shifted dramatically in the past few decades, theories of housework are still stuck on this 1950s model.

How To Get Into The In Crowd

the in crowd
In high school I looked up to my classmate Rick Brown, the quintessential cool guy. He was the good-looking captain of the football team and president of the student council. He had a cheerleader homecoming queen girlfriend and was liked by everyone. I envied Rick because he was at the epicenter of the in crowd, and I saw myself as a distant outsider.

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