Minding Our Words and Saying What We Really Mean

Minding Our Words and Saying What We Really Mean
Image credit: Max Pixel

Telepathy is the language of communication in the spiritual realm. Imagine knowing the thoughts of all the people around you and having all your thoughts revealed without speaking. No one could manipulate or pretend to be other than who they are. All our motivations, fears, and loves would be exposed.

Here on earth, our thoughts also influence our lives and the environment around us in significant ways, but not as quickly or as completely. We need to rely on verbal and written words to express our thoughts and how we give voice consciously or unconsciously has great power. Words can heal, words can harm, words can motivate, words can discourage, impacting the quality of all our relationships.

Words Are Important Tools

I often feel that words are very much like knifes or fire. They are important tools, but if misused they can quickly turn destructive.

People often express words without giving them a thought, like “I’m fine” when they actually feel in turmoil or physically ill. Using words unconsciously can make it difficult to experience connection with others, and yet, telling everyone all the details of our inner life is not appropriate, nor do we have enough time to have deep and substantive conversations with all the people that we interact with in a day.

Recognizing the power of words, how can we use them with integrity and appropriateness? Here is a silly little example. When people ask me, “How are you?” My most recent response has been “I am many things.” I’ve decided that this answer is honest, up-beat, but not too revealing in the midst of a quick interaction. Often people laugh.

I’m simply suggesting that being thoughtful in how we use language is important, even in a casual conversation. Words can be used unconsciously without the awareness of their influence, unscrupulously to mislead, or skillfully to navigate beneficial outcomes. But surely we can’t live a life of integrity, one of actualizing our best, without minding our words.

Saying What Others Want To Hear

We live in a culture where lying has become an accepted epidemic, the manipulation of words to get what we want without regard to the consequences for others or the world at large. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for people tell others what they want to hear, because of the desire to be liked or to avoid conflict. At the other extreme, many repress their words for fear of causing emotional pain, the fear of being judged, or simply a lack of confidence.

Either holding back our personal expression or aggressively using language for only personal gain leads to an array of problems. A mature approach to the wise use of language considers others, while simultaneously demands that we develop a tough skin, in order to become comfortable to have the frank yet loving conversation necessary to support each other’s growth and to hold us all accountable for our behavior.

Through the years I’ve heard many stories from clients who don’t feel free to openly express themselves for fear of losing their job or sending a relationship into turmoil. Just think of the news stories about Harvey Weinstein and the large number of women who have been afraid to talk about how he misused his power to take advantage of them. This brings up a fundamental question. What is more important getting what we want or actualizing our best? If getting what we want is the primary goal, then it becomes much easier to become a victim.

Using Words Wisely

The spiritual guides who have been my teachers define fulfillment as self-actualization, rather than our cultural definition of getting what we want. This is not to say that we should blurt out all our feelings, but rather recognize from a spiritual perspective that this is our earth school and circumstances are put before us for our lessons to be learned.

I realize that using words wisely is not always easy. It requires working through fears, such as the fear of rejection or the fear of hurting people’s feelings. But ultimately the skill of using words wisely supports self-esteem, deepens relationships, and contributes to a world where people can begin to trust that what other’s say is what they actually mean.

Book by this Author

The Infinite View: A Guidebook for Life on Earth
by Ellen Tadd.

The Infinite View: A Guidebook for Life on Earth by Ellen Tadd.The Infinite View offers tools and insights needed to help readers transform their understanding of themselves and the world around them. People often lean towards either trusting their gut or relying on their analytical mind, but Ellen urges readers to consider a new approach that allows both emotions and the intellect to be guided by wisdom. Through describing how the Spirit, soul, and personality are integrated, she guides readers in deepening and expanding their perceptions to discover practical solutions to everyday challenges.

Click here for more info and/or to order this book.

About the Author

Ellen TaddEllen Tadd is an internationally known clairvoyant counselor who has been teaching and counseling for more than forty years. Her work has been supported by the Edgar Cayce Foundation, the Marion Institute, Deepak Chopra, Child Spirit Institute, the Institute of Noetic Sciences, and the Boston Center for Adult Education, among others. Her work has been covered in Newsweek, and Ellen has lectured across the country at colleges, universities, hospitals, and community groups. Her first book, Death and Letting Go, appeared on the Boston Globe bestseller list. http://ellentadd.com/

Books by this Author




follow InnerSelf on



Get The Latest By Email



Do Not Give Up What You Want Most for What You Want Right Now

Do Not Give Up What You Want Most for What You Want Right Now

Carly Pollack
The most powerful influence on the human mind is our core beliefs about our identity, who we think we are. If you have a core belief that you are lazy or that the world is out to get you, no matter how much you try to be more productive or to feel safer in…


Thich Nhat Hanh, The Buddhist Monk Who Introduced Mindfulness To The West, Prepares To Die

Thich Nhat Hanh, The Buddhist Monk Who Introduced Mindfulness To The West, Prepares To Die

Brooke Schedneck
Thich Nhat Hanh, the monk who popularized mindfulness in the West, has returned home to Vietnam to enjoy the rest of his life.


Parents Of Girls Are Less Likely To Stress Computer Skills

Parents Of Girls Are Less Likely To Stress Computer Skills

Matt Swayne
While most first-year college students in a new study had positive feelings about computing and computer-related majors and jobs, gender and socioeconomic status seemed to play a role in whether parents shaped those perceptions.


3 Reasons Why People Fall For Politicians' Lies

3 Reasons Why People Fall For Politicians' Lies

Mack Clayton Shelley, II
Why do people make such poor decisions about politics? Why are they so often distracted by lies, irrelevant alternatives and specious arguments?


Boys' Attention And Prosocial Behavior Linked To Earnings 30 Years Later

Boys' Attention And Prosocial Behavior Linked To Earnings 30 Years Later

Francis Vergunst
New research, published in the medical journal JAMA Pediatrics, shows that boys from low-income backgrounds who were inattentive in kindergarten had lower earnings at age 36 while boys who were prosocial earned more.