How Moms Get Bad Advice About Sex After Birth

Couples are getting the message that there’s a certain point at which they should start having sex again after having a baby, interviews show.

Resuming sexual activity after pregnancy isn’t always easy, especially for mothers experiencing postpartum pain, fatigue, and stress.

The findings, which come from 70 in-depth interviews with women in South Carolina, appear in the journal Culture, Health & Sexuality.

The feedback they quote from doctors includes, “Well, girl, you better, because if you don’t, somebody else will.” And, “My doctor was really excited to tell [my partner] at six weeks that I was ready to go.”

“Among participants, the most frequent recommendation from health providers was to resume sex after the six-week postpartum visit,” says study leader Andrea DeMaria, an assistant professor in Purdue University’s College of Health and Human Sciences. “But we found some women were ready before six weeks due to personal and partner desire, while other women expressed difficulties resuming sex, including pain and exhaustion from caring for a new baby.”

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology recently revised its recommendations on postpartum care, stating it “should be an ongoing process, rather than a single encounter, and that all women have contact with their ob-gyns or other obstetric care providers within the first three weeks postpartum,” according to a news release the professional organization issued.

Although the recommendation was designed to reduce maternal morbidity and mortality, the move represents a departure from the current “one-size-fits-all” approach to postpartum care, DeMaria says.


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“Providers should communicate to their patients pre- and postpartum that women have varied experiences with resuming sexual activity after birth, and there is not one strict recommendation or guideline that applies to everyone,” she says.

The in-depth interviews reinforced previous findings that individual women significantly differ in how they experience postpartum sexual desires and pleasures, which are often influenced physically by delivery mode and psychologically by self-confidence and body image. The study also highlights the need for candid conversations about the subject among mothers, partners, and doctors, even at the prenatal stage.

“If health care providers can bring this up and normalize these different experiences, then women and partners will be more aware of what they should be on the lookout for, that these feelings they’re experiencing are normal,” says Stephanie Meier, a doctoral student at Purdue and coauthor of the paper. “Those conversations should continue throughout prenatal and postpartum.”

The study is part of a larger oral histories project recording women’s reproductive health experiences across generations, including menstruation, contraception, childbirth, and sexual violence. The recordings will be archived for future reference, Meier says.

New mothers seeking advice on postpartum health should contact their personal health care provider, DeMaria says. Women also can reference postpartum toolkits that the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology provides or contact Indiana’s Office of Women’s Health.

Source: Purdue University

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