Photo credit: Letting Go - Creative Commons by gnuckx
Humans are pleasure-seeking and will avoid pain at all costs, which is, of course, an attempt at controlling the natural rhythms and cycles of life. Pain and suffering may seem like an unnatural part of your life, but these are mostly the result of perception.
The loss of a business, the breakup of a relationship, these are perceived by you as incredibly painful. Yet death is half of the cycle of life. An end to things as we know them simply creates opportunity for something better in the future. As soon as you let go of your need to know exactly how you will be supported by God, you will be supported by God completely, and exactly as needed.
In the neutral zone, you suspend your need to be sure of the outcome of any situation. You can never know consciously what the outcome of your actions will be, but you can trust that every action you take is leading you to something that will enhance your life. This does not mean that by saying you believe God supports you, you will then be freed from taking any action yourself. You must act to create anything. When you are acting in accordance with the Universe's principles, every action will take you to higher ground with an economy of effort.
The intelligence of the divine mind that birthed you is inherent in your personal energies, even in the cells of your body. The intelligence of the universe is accessible from what we call the neutral zone. The neutral zone is that moment when all judgment is suspended, when you yourself are not polarized. From this space, you can easily hear the intelligence of the universe speak. Your soul understands the universal principles that apply to all forms of creation. These universal principles are very simple and few in number.
Maybe you don't believe there is a divine plan for your life, or for the nations of the Earth. Maybe you feel that mankind is creating a better life for his children by taking charge of his destiny. But the ignorance and chaos seen everywhere certainly speak of something else.
Seeking to Control What Seems Out of Control?
When we elect new leaders in this democracy (who rarely ever lead), we choose those whom we think can gain control over whatever seems to be out of control, i.e., the economy, drugs, violence in the streets, etc. For a while it might seem to work; the economy increases, violent crimes may decrease.
However, real change is always the result of growth in consciousness. Lasting change occurs in your awareness, not as the result of being smart enough to pass laws that cover every facet of a fear-ridden society. Of course, the more out of control things get, the harder society and individuals try to grasp the reigns.
A better future is created not by law, but by understanding and insight. Most of my adult life I was an entrepreneur. When fewer ideas and opportunities started coming to me, I stopped developing business because I felt it was due to circumstances beyond my control.
I became a loner and worked jobs that relied solely on my individual effort. The whole turn of events seemed like the cruelest of circumstances. How could this happen to me, and why me? What had I done? But eventually awareness and understanding began to creep in, and with that came the realization that the true nature of the game of life being played out here on earth was in opposition to almost everything I was learning.
Life Does Not Have to be a Struggle
What I have learned since then was that life doesn't have to be a struggle, that when you let go of struggle answers come naturally. Where do they come from? They come from God.
Some would argue that they come from your intuition, your human nature, or even the angels, but that is just so much semantic nonsense. It is all one thing, God. You are the personification of God in the physical. God will assist you if you give him a chance. That will only happen when you are allowing him to, and not trying to control and run everything.
Control is really an aspect of fear, which puts you into a contracted, polarized state where you cannot hear God speak.
Control Feels Safe, but the Root of Control is Fear
The root of control is fear. Danger lurks behind every bush, every closed door, every alley, and control is the only thing that will work, because it feels safe. The tighter you hang on to something, the less likely it is to slip out of your grasp.
I love the illustration of the Chinese finger puzzle, and I can't help but wonder if the Far East inventor who came up with it had our compulsive need to control in mind. A Chinese finger puzzle is a small sleeve that fits snugly over your index fingers. When you try to remove your fingers, the sleeve only tightens, and the more you pull and struggle, the more it tightens. Only by relaxing your fingers together rather than apart -- going against your instinct -- will you allow the sleeve to relax and slip off your fingers.
Believing in the righteousness of fear is a belief in a false God. Fear has claimed as its domain and territory all that we are as a society. When you surrender to your fear and act to control a perceived threat, you have given up the most basic universal principle of all, trust. You create change in your life through awareness, understanding, and insight, not through control. Life is created to be joyful and fulfilling. You have the right to experience your life as a movable feast, not a faithless journey of struggle and enslaving toil.
You always get more of what you put your attention on. You think that by applying more control you will get a better result. Actually you create more of what you don't want by trying to control it, and thereby create more need for more control. It becomes a never-ending cycle, as you can see in all areas of our society. What looks like control is really interference with the natural order of the universe and its innate intelligence.
The Universe is Forever Seeking Balance
The universe is forever seeking balance. When your feelings and emotions are out of balance, you'll experience something that causes an emotional upheaval. This is a natural order seeking balance. Life is completely symbolic. What you experience externally is the result of your inner landscape. Even the work you do, the career you choose, will represent your inner world. One of the symptoms of sexual abuse is the victim's need to control. Drug and alcohol abuse are also an attempt at controlling the inner world through external interdiction. Reformed alcoholics often become control addicts. They've given up their drug addiction for yet another addiction.
Your personality, or ego, is completely invested in control. It believes control can work, and it will move heaven and earth to prove it to you, no matter the cost. Because your ego is conditioned by previous training, it always projects the past onto your present and your beliefs about the future. Of course your ego is going to do this. After all, it's how we as humans learn about the natural world: that innocent stove was hot and burned you in the past, so it's hot today, and will be tomorrow.
Control is a Roadblock to Fulfillment and Understanding
Your ego actually thinks it's protecting you, which is why your ego will try so hard to prove to you that control can work. But in those areas where you have adopted beliefs from your early experiences that are out of sync with universal principles and reality, you will continue to repeat and reinforce those beliefs.
Trying harder, struggling, and putting more effort into resolving your problems might give you temporary relief, but treating the symptoms never works. That is simply more control, which puts you at odds with a real solution.
If you accept the premise of this chapter -- that control does not work, that it is actually a roadblock to fulfillment and understanding -- then the next step is learning trust. Don't allow the temptation of fear to dictate your thinking. This will take continuous, ongoing monitoring of your choices, responses, and thoughts.
The reward is that you will be free to become more conscious, more aware, and more in touch with that grander part of your soul and spirit that is your divine intelligence.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
BookPartners, Inc. ©1999.
In this book, Richard Dupuis aids readers in understanding that life was never meant to be a struggle, and describes how people can escape from personal battles into a creative frame of mind that will allow miracles to come into their lives.
About The Author
Richard Dupuis is a spiritual advisor and speaker who travels widely. He presents workshops and seminars based on his favorite subject: expanded spiritual awareness for a richer and fuller life -- straight from the mouth of God. He is the author of "Creating Your Light Body" and "Ancient Wisdom". For info. on workshops & seminars, contact Mr. Dupuis at 800-480-6021.
Another book by this Author
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Brand: Brand: Ebb and Flow Press
Studio: Ebb and Flow Press
Label: Ebb and Flow Press
Publisher: Ebb and Flow Press
Manufacturer: Ebb and Flow Press
At work, they oversee every detail of every project and expect nothing less than perfection from their coworkers.
At home, they obsess over finding the "right" person. Then, they criticize their lover or spouse for doingeverything wrong.
As parents, they practice zero tolerance for their children's preferred studypractices, choice of friends, dress choices, and differing life views.
Sound familiar? Everyone knows the type:micromanagers, nitpickers, and domestic despots. Yet, most people fail to recognize the signs of acompulsion to control in themselves--or realize the toll of their behavior ontheir career, their family, their friendships, and their own happiness.
In Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011) Daniel Miller pinpoints the dangersof excessive control. What'smore, he shows those who feel the pressure to control how to break free andreap unexpected gifts.
Sharing his journey of transformation and personal recovery, Miller reveals what happened when he finallydecided to "surrender": his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace.
Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of acknowledged "control freaks," Losing Control, Finding Serenity guides readers through an honest inventory of their control patterns--whetherprodding, cajoling, withdrawing, playing the martyr, or intimidating--down tothe roots. As most controllerswill discover, their compulsion to control is provoked by deep-seated fear, anxieties,and insecurities, then aggravated by anger and resentments.
Filled with enlightening true stories, Losing Control, Finding Serenity
gives readers the knowledge, the courage, the strategies, and the "decontrol" tools to:
*Identify and overcome the control triggers of fear, anger, and resentment.
*Become a less domineering parent, build a family democracy, and reduce the struggleswith children.
*Find and keep the right person by accepting who he or she is rather than trying tochange their romantic partner.
*Free your creative flow and process.
*Delegate to and trust coworkers to reap increases in productivity, efficiency, and jobsatisfaction--and reduce conflict and dissension.
*Learn to be patient and calmly accept "what is," even when adversity strikes, to enjoy a more fulfilling and serene life.
In a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond anyone's control, Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validationfor going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, every changing mystery.
Find out how losing control really means gaining control.
Studio: New Harbinger Publications
Label: New Harbinger Publications
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Manufacturer: New Harbinger Publications
While there's no doubt that setting high standards for yourself is a good thing, you've probably already noticed that perfectionism can come at a high price. And when you take steps to try to change, it's easy to be too hard on yourself and fall into the same traps that keep you feeling stressed and disappointed. This book presents a revolutionary approach to overcoming perfectionism—a way to transform your need for precision into self-acceptance, compassion, and love for each perfectly imperfect passing moment in our lives.
In Present Perfect, you'll use the Buddhist psychology of mindfulness to learn to accept the present moment in all of its ordinary perfection. This book is filled with over 150 exercises and meditations that you can practice to become more flexible toward yourself and others without losing your love of a job well done. With this compassionate approach, you'll soon be able not only to accept life as it is, but also become more accepting and forgiving of yourself and others.