Image by Gerd Altmann 

Editor’s Note: While this article is directed to adoptees, its tenets and inisights can apply to all of us as well.

There’s a coaching mantra that I adhere to in my life and in my work. It’s the same mantra that I use to awaken my coaching clients to the importance of focus: Where focus goes, energy flows. Our focus creates our experience; it shapes our reality.

This mantra also links back to Bruce Lipton’s theory in his book The Biology of Belief. There is a connection between mind and matter! What we hold in our mind — along with the thoughts and beliefs we focus on — impacts the quality of our health and our emotions and our ability to thrive.

I focused, for so long, on being my first parents’ shameful secret and the cause of my first mother’s worst day that the energy of these thoughts followed me everywhere I went. I didn’t know, for a very long time, that I could change my focus and create a new and empowering energy flow. You possess the same ability.

Feeling Unwelcome or Unwanted

Unleashing our power as adoptees starts with our willingness to find a whole new way to focus and to end any self-labeling of being unwelcome or unwanted people. We must be willing to be willing as we step into this transformational journey! We are highly capable of moving beyond the limiting programming that has lessened us — some of that programming created during our earliest experiences in the womb. We can embrace ourselves back into the world and begin the lives we’re destined for.

innerself subscribe graphic

What if you could connect back to that womb energy from so long ago and create a new energy flow? What if you could birth yourself anew by changing that energy from a limiting sense of being unwelcome in the world to the limitless truth that you are welcome — wanted and needed — in this life you’ve been given? It’s the work I did with Penelope and Deanna, and it trans­formed the way they see themselves and their potential.

Welcome to the World Invitation

First, rank the painpoint of feeling unwelcome in the world, on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being the pain is hardly ever felt and 10 being the pain is felt most or all the time. Be honest with yourself. There is no judgment. No shame. Only love.

Even if this pain point ranks close to a 1 on your scale, I urge you to try this reframing exercise. Discoveries await you here. There is always something to learn.

Note that this exercise is your personal invitation to leave behind any unwelcoming thoughts and step into the fullest embrace of living. Remem­ber, all meaningful relationships begin with a welcome. The re­lationship with yourself must, too.


The following directives are the steps to reframe this point of pain — transform it into a point of light — and welcome yourself into your life. Please find a quiet space for this exercise. Bring a pencil or pen and some paper with you.

Get comfort­able, and then take three deep breaths in and release those breaths through long, soulful exhales. Drop down into your heart space — the place where truth and clarity reside.

Your heart beats a hundred thousand times a day. You don’t even have to think about it. Your heart beats for you. It’s a gift!

Trust your heart as you move through this reframing exercise. From your heart space, move forward with the following steps.

Step 1: Write Your Own Welcome to the World Invitation

  • What would your invitation say? What compassion­ate words of welcome come to you?

  • How would you celebrate yourself and all the val­ues and attributes that you bring into this world?

  • What would you offer yourself as a welcoming gift? What might this gesture of expression be?

  • Where would your welcoming celebration take place? Describe that in as much detail as possible.

  • You’re the guest of honor, so don’t be shy. Go all out and create the invitation of your dreams. Your invitation can be anything and everything you want it to be.

Step 2: Read Your Invitation Out Loud

  • From your heart space, read your invitation aloud. You can even read it while looking into the mirror — seeing yourself and witnessing your words.

  • Be open to receiving every single word of welcome that you have written.

  • Take in your truth. Again, no judgment. Only love.

Step 3: Step Fully into Your Invitation

  • Close your eyes once more, and take in another deep and soulful breath. Let that breath gently flow from you with a loving exhale.

  • See yourself inside the vision you’ve created through the words of your invitation.

  • Feel the enormous welcoming embrace of your soul. How does it feel? Wrap your arms around yourself and stay with that embrace for as long as you want.

  • Let that feeling cover you, let it fall all over you, like confetti from the sky.

  • What color is the confetti? See it. Touch it. Delight in it. Be in the moment.

  • Who is there celebrating with you? It’s okay if you are the only one present. But if someone else is there, see them. See the expression on their face.

  • What would you say to your guest or guests? What wisdom would you offer as you lead this welcom­ing of self?

  • Welcome every part of you into every part of your life. Let your words of welcome fill your heart space and guide you from this moment forward. Allow these welcoming words to be the new energy greet­ing you in all that you do. If ever you feel yourself slipping back into limiting thought, tap yourself on the top of the head and drop back into your heart space. Place your hands over your heart. Breathe into your heart. Envision your special invitation of welcome. These simple steps will bring you back to knowing just how welcome you are in your life. The heart doesn’t lie.

As a symbolic gesture of this welcoming, light a candle in your honor. Let the candle’s flame remind you of the light you possess within and the renewed hope that this light represents. The light around us is great, but the light within us is greater. Believe in your luminous eternal flame.


As I moved both Penelope and Deanna through this reframing exercise, something miraculous happened for both women: through their visualizations, these adoptees eased the intensity of their feel­ings of being unwelcome in the world. Their pain points were transformed into points of light. Penelope said, “I no longer feel an overwhelming energy of being unwelcome in my life. I’ve welcomed myself into living, and it’s changed how I enter a room — no matter who is in that room! I feel like I’ve taken back a power that I had misplaced for years. My pain point has been greatly reduced from a 10 to a 4. I will keep coming back to this exercise. The reframing is powerful!”

Deanna now realizes that the “terrible, terrible day” her bio mother spoke of was not caused by her. “It was a terrible day because my bio mother knew she would have to let me go. When I was in my visualization, I saw the compassion on her face. The day of my birth was a loving day. A hard one, for sure, but love was there. I don’t dread or hate my birthday anymore. The pain point has eased. I have the power to control what I focus on, and I focus on celebrat­ing my life — not running from it.”


I welcome every part of me into every part of my life!
I am safe to know myself, to love myself, and to illuminate
the truth of who I am and why I’m here.

Copyright 2023 by Michelle Madrid. All Rights Reserved.
Printed with permission from New World Library.

Article Source:

BOOK: Let Us Be Greater

Let Us Be Greater: A Gentle, Guided Path to Healing for Adoptees
by Michelle Madrid

book cover: Let Us Be Greater by Michelle MadridAdoption is a lifeline of support and opportunity for countless people, but it can bring challenges and emotional conditions that are often silenced or left unaddressed, including PTSD, risk of suicide, and fear of abandonment. Author Michelle Madrid has experienced these challenges herself.

Written with compassion and authenticity, Let Us Be Greater will help adoptees and their families feel heard, seen, and understood as they work to build open, fulfilling, and healthy relationships.

For more info and/or to order this book, click hereAlso available as a Kindle edition.

About the Author

photo of Michelle MadridMichelle Madrid is the author of Let Us Be Greater: A Gentle, Guided Path to Healing for Adoptees and host of the Electricity of You PodcastShe is an international adoptee, former foster child in the UK, and an adoptee empowerment life coach who has been recognized as an Angels in Adoption®  Honoree by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI) and inducted into the New Mexico Women’s Hall of Fame for her work in adoption.

You can visit her online at